Most divorce cases never actually go to court. The vast majority are settled out of court through negotiation between attorneys. Frankly, unless special considerations apply, it's probably better to settle out of court. Whichever way you go, keep in mind the following things:

• It will probably cost less to settle out of court. This isn't always true, depending upon the arrangements you agree to in negotiations. But going to court will usually cost you at least an extra three to four thousand dollars in attorneys' fees alone. Add in the cost of an expert witness or two, pre-trial preparations, time off from work and other miscellaneous costs and that figure could easily double or even triple.
  
  
• You may be able to reach a more favorable settlement out of court. The attorneys can "wheel and deal" and by making some concessions that aren't important to you (but are to your ex) it's possible you'll get more of what you want. You may also be able to get some special considerations or concessions that the court might not want to provide.
  
  
• If you have a really good case and your ex doesn't want to go to trial, your attorney can pretty much insist upon whatever you want (within reason) and you'll get it. The court, on the other hand, may want to make a show of being fair and equitable and give you much less.
  
  
• Your attorney will confirm that nobody can predict with absolute certainty what the court will actually do on a case-by-case basis. You can have a strong case and still get screwed. There's really just no way to know. Most of the time the court will act somewhat rationally, although they'll usually favor the wife heavily in matters of child custody. On the other hand, the judge you get may have had a bad day/week/month/life, or you might remind him of the guy that used to beat him up in the 5th grade. Maybe the judge just doesn't like your attorney's face.
  In court, you take your chances, and ultimately, you never know what they'll do.
  
  
• Before you sit down to negotiate, make a short list of the things that are most important to you, things you will not bargain away or give up. Make another (usually longer) list of things you are willing to negotiate on. Make sure your attorney is aware of what is and is not negotiable.
  
  
• On the "short list" items that you won't budge on, stand firm. State clearly and firmly to your ex's attorney that these specific items are not open to discussion, period. Indicate that on everything else you're willing to be flexible, but that the other issues are simply not open for discussion.
  
  
• A common tactic is to ask for things that you're (secretly) willing to "give up" later as "concessions", so as to make the other party feel as though they're getting their way in negotiations. Expect the opposing counsel to play this game with you as well. In other words, look carefully at the items they're willing to give in on. Are they significant points, or just "fluff"?
  
  
• Generally it's best to deal with the "no compromise" items first to see if any kind of agreement can be reached. You don't want to spend a lot of time and money hashing out the minor stuff only to find out that negotiations stall on the bigger issues. If you can't come to some kind of agreement on the major points, there probably isn't any reason to bother getting the little issues settled.
  
  
• If you do reach some kind of tentative agreement, get it in writing that day. Even if later your ex "blows up" the deal you made, you can show the court that you and your attorney had what you considered to be an "enforceable" or agreed settlement. This may carry some weight in court, as judges don't like to see one side back out of a previously agreed upon settlement.