First, while your ex may have some sort of personality disorder, only a psychologist can diagnose her. If you go into court and try to say that she has a personality disorder without there being a diagnosis you'll be in for a rude awakening. There is nothing that says people with personality disorders aren't fit parents. The fitness test isn't in her disorder (if she has one) - it's in her behavior, and the effect it has on the child. That being said, it's unlikely that here will be any observable effect on the child until several years into his/her development.
You're going to have an extremely difficult time getting the court to give you custody of a newborn baby because you think it's mother might suffer from a PD. My suggestions are:
1. Take it one day at a time. You don't know yet that the child is yours. If it is, you're in for a long and bumpy ride. You can't let the "what-if's" take over or you'll go crazy.
2. If you are determined to be the father - insist on joint custody
, and get a parenting plan
in place with specifics on everything
. BPD's are masters of manipulation, and they will take advantage of every loophole they can find.
3. Start acting as if the child is yours now. If you wait until paternity
has been established you she will have the upper hand. You must be a part of this child's life from day one. Go to parenting classes. Be present for the birth if she'll let you.
I also highly recommend the publication "Splitting", "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" and "You're My World". You can find them all here:http://www.bpdcentral.com/bks/spy.php
There is a wealth of great information in those books and on that site.