how do you talk to someone that do not want to talk?

[spinner]

this is a new one for me.
Ever since I had my child support reduced and appeal. My Ex will not talk to me. at all. but I mean nothing.

We have shared custody of a first grader so that makes it quite hard.

things as simples questions like : "can you call me so that I can register our kid to ski lessons and plans which days with you" are now unanswered.

Today I cannot explain to my first grader why his sister (step sister) can go ski during the hollidays and not him. he is upset but what can I do if she refuses to call me back or answer emails, ...

I have emailed ex's mother asking her to maybe find out for the ski lessons but nothing.

other questions from share parenting arises like did you return the library book? where is the snow pans?

I've tried to leave messages for the past 3 weeks, .. nothing back and now our kid can't go ski in the hollidays, ... (no more room)

I am a little at a lost, please give me some ideas to break the ice
thanks

[Crockpot]

Have you tried writing a handwritten letter and giving it to her at an exchange?  Maybe ask what mode of communication she prefers so your son doesn’t miss out on things.

I don't have the address, but my DH's ex at one time suggested a web site they could use to post messages etc about kids to each other.  It never got to that point, but it might be an option for you.

Good luck!

[spinner]

I could try a certified letter, have not tried this in a long time. we are actually ordered to use one of these website but she never went to look at it. and contemppt is so overrated, .... :)

she prefers no communication, well actually when asked she did not answered :) hehe

[Crockpot]

I thought maybe the handwritten letter would be more personal and maybe get her to respond.  I'm sure sharing custoday with someone who won't communicate is impossible!  

You're in MN right?  Enough snow for ya?!

[mistoffolees]

I use email. I don't really like talking to my ex, but we are able to do things fine by email.

[spinner]

yes MN, not enough snow :) we want more ! :)

[MixedBag]

use written communication -- I prefer priority confirmed delivery....because then no one is required to go pick it up if he's not home when it's being delivered.

And what does the order say about WHEN your child should be with you?

[spinner]

yes maybe a letter,

the order is not the issue for visitation, our child goes to either parent when he is supposed to. the problem arises when our child is with her and she planed nothing for the xmas break for example so I try to plan ski lessons so that he is not in front of the TV all day. our child is with her this winter break on the order but I proposed to pay for ski lessons, come take our kid and drop him after. then she does not answer.

thus far this is doable. too bad he missed ski. the problem becomes a problem when he comes home and his step sister tell him she skied all day. He is not jealous, not one bit but very sad and does not understand why he didn't get to go ski.

that's just one example there are many.
Before communication wasn't great but at least I'd get a "I don't work these days pick other days" now I get no answer.
to the point that I went to wait at school yesterday to make sure ex was still alive!

[mistoffolees]

That clarifies things. As long as ex is abiding by the agreement, you can't FORCE him/her to do anything else. They have no obligation to communicate with you.

It is, of course, preferable that they do. Therefore, I'd focus on finding a way to make it easier rather than worrying about formal proof of delivery or anything like that - especially since you're asking for extra here (like taking son to skiing lessons even when he was scheduled to be with your ex). In fact, making formal actions - like certified letters is likely to make it HARDER to get what you want because your ex will see you as escalating things.

If he/she won't respond to non-threatening communications like email or phone, then you may have to just live with the fact that you're not going to be able to work out anything other than what's spelled out in the agreement. That's not great, but lots of people manage to live with it.

[gemini3]

Maybe if you back off a little bit for a while she'll come around and you guys can communicate again.  It sounds like she might be feeling the sting of getting child support reduced.  After a little while she may have gotten over that, and be willing to communicate with you again.

Just playing the devils advocate... maybe it upset her that you were willing to pay for your child to go skiing, but felt the need to reduce child support.  I'm not saying that you didn't have a right to have your child support reduced, I'm just saying that sometimes it helps to consider how other people are feeling when you're trying to communicate with them.

If you have something that is necessary, then send it to her via e-mail.  Otherwise, let her lick her wounds for a bit before trying to talk about things that aren't necessary.