Parenting Agreement Compliance?

[joeyqz]

I've searched this entire forum in reference to my question, but couldn't seem to find an answer, so I apologize if this situation is a repeat.

Divorce finalized June 2007 in Las Vegas, NV when child was 2 years old. Joint legal/physical custody, 50/50, no child support. One child, just turned 3 years old.

Background: I am now finding that the existing parenting agreement in place is lacking on some key elements that do not addresss school-related issues, step-parents, remarriage, AND some of the original elements of the parenting agreement are vague.  Vague enough that the BM consistently violates and ignores my rights.  Ironically, the threads that address the "contempt" issues seem to demonstrate that pursuing a "contempt" would be minimal if not futile ($250 award?) I want the agreement modified to be more comprehensive in lieu of the BM's potential change in circumstances, specifically moving in with her 51 year old boyfriend (she's 24) whom she had the affair with and plans for marriage. This will greatly affect my daughter's future as she gets older and is ready for school.

I revised my original parenting plan and modified it from scratch, retyping the document verbatum and inserting relevant info borrowed from Parenting.net's parenting agreement kit, specifically from the "comprehensive" and "permanent" word doc. plans. I am satisfied with what was produced. However, I don't think the ex will agree to sign. She still has an attorney, I do not, after paying off $2800 to divorce. I am seeking advice from family court mediation and will present my proposal for modification.

Questions: What would my next steps be in pursuing this issue? Even after proposing this plan with a family mediator, can my ex be forced to agree to the changes? Can the Courts intervene? Do I have to retain counsel to in order to be more effective? Living paycheck to paycheck limits my funds to afford an attorney.

I am trying to be more proactive in being INFORMED, so any help would be appreciated.

[mistoffolees]

For starters, if something is not addressed in your agreement, then she's not violating your rights. Unless it's in the agreement, it doesn't exist. You most certainly can't even consider a contempt filing over something that's not in the agreement.

Also, you can't complain to the court about a 'prospective' change in circumstances. They're only concerned with what has happened, not what might happen. And I don't see any court in the world which would object to her remarrying (some would object to her living with the person before marrying them, but depending on how long, that might not even be an issue).

I would suggest that you use very neutral wording and prepare the modifications you'd like to see. Then get someone else to look at them to make sure that they're fair. For example, it's common to say that someone can not have overnight guests (other than family members) when the child is in the house. It is NOT reasonable to say that someone can't have overnight guests at all.

Do NOT retype the existing agreement. This only leads to confusion. Rather, write the proposal as changes to the existing agreement. For example, "the words 'xxxxxx' to be inserted after the phrase 'yyyyyy' in section 13.b of the agreement. Or ' Section 14 to be added, reading "zzzzzz".

Then, after you've prepared this, you have two choices. You can submit it to the court saying that it has become clear that certain important issues were not addressed and ask the court to allow the modification. Or you can submit it to her attorney and request that you agree on the terms and submit them to the court for final approval. (I guess you could also ask her to go to mediation to work out the changes).

The 'right' answer will depend on the circumstances and your particular judge. If you go to the judge and they're not amenable to changes, they could slam the door on you right away - and then you can't raise it again. Therefore, without any other information, I'd be inclined to offer the changes to your ex and state that you're willing to discuss the specific wording, particularly with a mediator.

In the end, the agreement is only going to work as well as the two of you are able to work together. Even if you get 100% of what you want at this point, if you completely destroy any ability that the two of you have to work together, then you've lost in the end. So be careful about collateral damage.

[joeyqz]

Thank you for your critical opinions. I have made the new document's language very neutral, non-threatening, and of course, reasonable. The parenting kit was very thourough in covering all aspects typically overseen in a parenting agreement.  I just added those elements to my existing plan to make it more comprehensive and sent a copy to my ex for her to peruse and review.

I am trying everything to appeal to my ex's senses before taking drastic measures, i.e. retaining counsel and being litagous. All I want is to safeguard my rights as a father and preserve a relationship with my daughter should the ex remarry.  I've read all the threads in this forum about how difficult, petty, malicious, and vindictive people can be in a custody issue, AND my ex is certainly that type of person given her most recent actions towards me.

For example, our parenting plan specifically states that "liberal communication" is to be encouraged and that the RIGHT OF FIRST REFUSAL be exercised.  My ex DOES NOT allow me any form of communication between my daughter on her custody week, nor does she inform me of when she's working, so that I have the opportunity to care for our daughter.  She simply "hides" our daughter at her mom's so that she can either work or sleep with her boyfriend at her apartment.  I have no idea of the WHERABOUTS of my daughter on her week because she ignores ALL forms of communication.  In fact, she sent me an e-mail stating that I have no right to know anything about my daughter's welfare during her time, AND that it is a privilege to even talk to my little girl should she grant it so.

I know it takes the two of us to make a parenting plan work, but I'm not satisfied with the current one and it has now become too vague on certain issues as our daughter gets older.

If my ex doesn't agree to the new parenting plan, or simply refuses to cooperate, what recourse do I have to enforce this issue? Do I retain counsel, push to go back to court, or is this all futile?  Those are the lingering questions, even though you posted some suggestions.  I will try to make use of your advice somehow...

[joeyqz]

Would anyone consider reviewing my proposed MODIFIED parenting plan to see if I'm thorough? I read somewhere in this forum that I could submit it for review, just don't remember where to do that?

[mistoffolees]

If you can't reach an agreement, you're going to have to either drop it or go back to court. I wouldn't do either without consulting an attorney.

Also, I can already see problems with what you're proposing. 'Liberal communication' is a worthless phrase - and always gets interpreted in favor of the CP. Be specific ('phone calls of no more than once per day for no more than 30 minutes' or whatever) if you hope to have something enforceable. Just one more reason to consult with an attorney.

[mistoffolees]

>Would anyone consider reviewing my proposed MODIFIED
>parenting plan to see if I'm thorough? I read somewhere in
>this forum that I could submit it for review, just don't
>remember where to do that?

That was probably the old Socrateaser board - which doesn't really exist any more.

I'd be very careful about asking a stranger with no legal background to review your agreement. Make sure you take it with a huge grain of salt.

[joeyqz]

Thank you for your responses.  We both have joint legal/physical custody, so no issue about CP/NCP. Our current parenting plan states "liberal communication" and that to me is too vague and has been violated by my ex since it's inception per divorce as per previous posts stated.

In my modified version, I AM specific as to what times to communicate and it was neutrally worded as to not offend.  I just want to know if anyone has had experience enforcing this when the ex is non-compliant?

The same questions apply to my "right of first refusal."  Has anyone had experience enforcing this issue too?

I suppose my only choice of action is to seek counsel, but even so, is that route FUTILE? Will I be paying out hard-earned money only to have the judge shake his finger at us and give out a verbal warning?

Or is dropping the whole matter the better alternative, live with the present circumstances of the current parenting plan, and KNOW that for the next 15 years, I have to fight battles that really shouldn't be an issue HAD a modified plan been agreed upon?

[mistoffolees]

I suggested that you seek counsel specifically to address those questions. An attorney in your area will be able to tell you much better than people on this site what your chances are because they know the judge. And a brief meeting to discuss whether you should proceed won't cost that much money.

It is certainly not futile in all cases, so it's worth asking.

[spinner]

I had the same type of problems before.

only one course of action fixed that: motion for contempt
don't retain counseal, do it yourself and let it cost her some dough.
when she will put in her mind that she lost 2.000$ in lawyer because of 3 phone calls she denied, ...


if you go that route you need the order as precise as can be

and get proofs, emails from her are good, ....

my ex at one point refused to give me health insurance info on our kid and the judge asked her if she was stupid or what that this was only for the benefit of her child, ....

when you ask for contempt do not ask for money or jail of the other, ,.... ask for something good like parenting classes or custody evaluation or make up time, ... judges are more agreable to that and when she will have spent 3 evenings with you at a shrink's class, she'll let you talk to daughter on the phone

[joeyqz]

You have been so helpful!  I will try that route. Of course, I don't want anything severe to happen to my ex, just want her to stop the behavior and respect my already DIMINISHED time with our daughter.

What do you mean when you say the"order is to be precise"? I have never filed contempt papers, so any advice or sample paperwork would be helpful. You could email me private if you can with the advice.

And if I do file the contempt issue, should that be sent to her attorney? Certified letter, protocols, etc.  How did you exactly paln your course of action?