Granfather involement casuing problems beyond control...

[ER]

My ex's father is very well off. He has been inovled in all aspects of our custody trial through money and control when I personally ask him to stay out of his daughter and mines business. I never threatened him or did anything but be a gentleman. Afterall this is my son's grandfather. But, he has become such a control freak and with his money, I see nothing but problems ahead.

He bought his daughter a car, home and pays her child support to me. He supports her as well even though she has a good job. His involvement with our child is in a controlled environment of the mother's house because the mother cannot control our child at all in any socila situation. Our child has developmental disorders that are not extreme but requires constant routine and discipline for my son's benefit. The mother understands this but chooses to do whatever she wants for the fact that she is receiveing money to "look" good when the situation calls for it.

10 months go by after our custody trial and now my ex has filed a motion on her's fathers behalf and of course his money to change our shared-parenting plan to make her have all decisions making power based on not having control rather than me the residential parent. There are Social Workers invovled, including the mother herself that were fired by me for unprofessional conduct regarding my son. I do have proof, so that I am not to worried about. She has not been actively involved in her son's progress or therapy's at all except 4 weeks in the summerwhen our visitation schedule changed. She had no chocie to take him to his therapy's. Even then she tried to get that changed because it was not convienien for her.


The main problem is her "daddy" He control his daughers actions and doins by using money as a means. If there was no money involved I would of had full custondy of my child with no court involved. She was more than willing to give our son to me but her "daddy" offered to pay her to get custody. He has sice isolated his daughter and his son to the point of "hiding" the behavior problems I and the whole family are aware of regarding my son has with the mother. My son's uncle, ex's brother has related on many occassions how my son acts with his mother and how she will not correct him or do anythng to control him. He even went to his father to express his concern but got shut out. Now, this may not seem bad for most parents as it does happen, but given my son's condition and his future, this type of behavior could be detremental to him and those around him. The grandfather is embarrassed so he hides the fact that if I do not know this "beahvior" is occuring with the mother then nothing will be done and he can "buy" his daughter's motherlyness and present her in a higher light than the truth. The grandfather has gone as far as to leave my ex's brother's wife out of the picture for everything. He at this present time  is working on getting them divorced because the aunt was instrumental for my son by protecting him with all that was going on. My son's aunt and grandmother and uncle came forward to testify if needed to protect my child but now, the grandfather has "bought" his son and scared him with future monies. So, you can imagine what story he would tell now. But the aunt cannot say anything because she has been banned from the family but still is married. I know screwed up beyond belief.

Bottom line, I know this is a mental issue regarding my child and I have no idea as to what it could be called. I do not think PAS is the right term since he is only 4 1/2 but these actions by the grandfather and the mother and now the brother who is being bribed to keep quiet will endanger my son's future. I don't exactly expect the brother to do the right thing but i would expect at least the granfather to be a man and realize the serverity of his actions on his grnadson and what could happen.

What if anyting could I do to possible help my son. The Attorney understands but it sems he who has the money gets what he wants no matter what. I need help in being the smart one without the money!

[4honor]

as the basis for the "significant change in circumstances"?

They are asking for a major change with no apparent change in the ciircumstances of the child. Request a dismissal (and your attorney fees) as their motion cannot meet the threshhold of a significant change in circumstances.

[ER]

The Social Worker I hired for servics for my son was dismissed through a letter from my attorney due to unprofessional conduct. The letter from my attorney never stated that her agency was to close my son's case but to call and have a discussion with my attormey and I to appoint a new Social Worker. The agency chose to closed my son's case based on another agency's invovlement with the state and government on a law suit that forced then to close down. I beleive the agency my son was involved with got scared and decieded  to leave it alone.

The mother came foward with this Social Worker, who now is pissed off at me, and the agency have claimed that I have taken away "needful" services" for my son in the form of a developmental perdiatrican who I was never made aware of this person name.

Now, my son has been to doctors and has a appointment for a developmental pediatrican but it took months to get on due to the waiting list. I dealt with a well know facility that deals in developmental disorders and felt that this Social Worker's suggestions were scary to cause concern. The agencies providers for medical care are no where near the caliber that these doctors my son has seen.

I have documentation as to my son's disgonose and treaments. It is just that they feel they need to make the medical decisions based on this Social Worker and the personal problem her and I have. In the beginning she was supportive of me but after our first custody trial she became very strong and demanding towards the mother. Sheplayed boths sides and then chose.

I have filed a motion to change our parenting plan due to its ambiguious terms and to detail exaclty what rights we both have. The shared-parenting is a complete failure. Then you have the father (he is a doctor as well) who refuses to "see" things as they are so he does what he wants as his daughter.

Even the school is caught in the middle because the mother and "daddy" have worked they little games.

So, I do not know was true basis for the change in circumstance they really have. The information on the motion filedby her attorney has her background of education and credits for being a Social Worker. She provided certificates of classes that are required by her job to take and a letter from the Social Worker's agency stating my son needs thier services due to his disabilities. The funny think is that my attorney says that all the stuff the her attorney presented in the motion is about her and nothing related to working with her son personally. It may hurt her than help her as my attorney out it.

[Sunshine1]

What State are you in?  I have a developmental pediatrician for my son and spent the entire summer battling his father for/to provide services.  Maybe I can help with the doctor parts or what happened with us.  

I can tell you one thing right off the bat, there is no need for a freaking social worker unless you receive benefits from the county, and then your assigned one, there is conflict of interest for his social worker to actually be his mother or someone that has personally already worked with him and you fired already.  So far she's an idiot....your attorney seems to have a grasp on things.

[ER]

I live in Ohio

I had my son at a neurologist for an intial diagnose and then from there, I went to a genetics counseler who referred me to a developmental pediatrician. The last wo are at teh same hospital that comes greatly accredited. I have my son in therapy for over 2 years and had alwasy taken him to any doctor appointment required or needed.  The mother is not fully invovled and only takes him in the summer when our vistation schedule changes. She never asked to take him to a doctor nor has she even called to get any information from any on person involved except one time when it was 2 days before court. (you can figure that one out!)

How this happened was through my son's school. The teacher suggested this agency because of the services that they may be able to help me find that the school could not provide. I only agreed because at the time our custody trial was just beginning and I guess I was trying to do good and make sure my son got what he may need.  I feared a conflict of interest though, because my ex use to work for this agency and now works for another.

Rather than go over this agian, the Social Worker fired was pushy and demanding that I get services for my son through their agency. I kept declining as well as asking too many questions that only made teh SW more testy towards me. She defiantely has a way of making me feel guilty if I do not listen. I pretty much refused completely based on what I researched and learend about services they provided. This upset her. Although my son gets Medicaid as a suppliment to help with the cost of therapies that his primary insurance will not cover, I was never required to have a SW be appointed.

My ex, joined the bandwagon and wanted to go along with the Social Worker for obvious reasons that two people of "power" are better than one. It got nasty when the Social Worker came to my home for a visit and preceded to admonish me on how I act towards my ex because she read the letters I sent to her trying to communicate our son's issues. (BTW-that was the only way to communicate to my ex, she to this day still does not talk) I never called her names or swore but the SW deceided that I was condensending and arrogant. She preceded to tell me that if I took this to court that teh judge would look at the letters and I would lose period. Apparetly this SW also read all the court documents and GAL reprot as well as teh Pscy Eval from what I am gathering.

Then at school in front of a teacher and teacher's aide, she again got into an argument with me over my stubbroness. She actually have the nerve to tell me that my ex has the same decision making right as I in our state because we have shared-paernting yet it is stated that I hvae those rights. I mean it goes on and on. Bottom line was that I wanted my ex to discuss any decisions or requiest she may have with the services the SW wanted to do before agreeig and becasue she would not speak to me, I made the decision tomove forward.

I should have follow my gut instinct by not havign an agency invovled becasue I knew there would be trouble. Problem is that this SW and teh agency supervisor are on the bandwagon to have her reinstated for services and make teh mother have the decison making rights over our son.

I guess your right I should not worry only because my son has excelled greatly from the efort I did to get him what he needed for development. I was very instrumental as teh mother was not involved. She can tell the judge she was never asked or shut out, but I belevie in any sense a loving parent would get involved regardless for their child. (our psych evals showed the mother to not want rights or responsibilites of rasing our son but yet the GAL ignored it)

I could see being scared if my son was doing terrible or not developing at a normal rate or progressive rate, but he has come way more than a 360 degree turnaround.  And actually, since the SW has not been around, things are better! BTW, I do have letters qand documentation proving my decisons were benefical to the well being of my son.

Any input you may have is greatly appreciated! And Thanks!

[Sunshine1]

We are in MN.  We use Gillette Children's Hospital and moved there from the Mayo Clinic.  My son has a neurologist, regular pediatrician, behavioral or developmental pediatrician, behavioral therapist, and a psychologist on hand if we need her.  

At school he has a teachers aide that works with him one on one, a regular cognitive developmental teacher, speech clinician, occupational therapist, and an adaptive phy ed teacher.  He also receives deaf and hard of hearing services through a neighboring school district that comes to his school and gives or teaches him or the teachers sign or whatever they need.  His father couldn't name one of these people if hisor his son's life depended on it, or any of the 8 medications he is on OR what they are for.

Of course, at court time he was father of the year and tried to get medications changed, disagreed with medications, called all the doctor's offices to get information and or change it, the list goes on.

When it came down to it I said he had no business making these kinds of decisions unless he started attending these appointments for his son.  He insisted that his step mother be involved INSTEAD of him because she had a pharmacuetical degree...(which by their standards made her his doctor).   She herself was on some of the same meds that our son was on because she battles bi-polar disorder soooo that was fun every weekend when the child wouldn't receive his meds because step mom thought the doses were too high.

 I couldn't get his 50 legal taken away, but I got it ordered that the father is to give the medications as prescribed by his doctors and that the step mom was to not be unsupervised with the children whatsoever during his visitations.  Getting the medication part ordered stripped him of his 50 MEDICAL authority, because he never went to one appointment and whatever the doctor ordered is what he was suppose to do therefore he had no right to make the decison of what he was on....get it?

Then they took out a restraining order on me and it was dismissed because I actually proved that THEY were the harassers and the judge even said to them both...the wrong plantiff is here today, stepmom should stay out of it, these people have children together, there is no reason that the two females should ever have to speak.  I haven't seen or heard from him since.  When we went to court our son had been to 223 appointments and he had gone to 1, of which he was mad at me because I would not let his crazy ass wife come along so he walked out in the middle so I take that back...1/2 of an appointment.

Ok, lets get to you.  The hospital can print out all the appointments your son has ever attended.  Get one of those.  There is no way that she is going to be made the decison maker when you attend 100% of the appointments and she can't name one that she has gone to.  Have a calendar and put them all on it so you can go back.  What is nice about our hospital they send out a reprot after every visit, what you discussed and the objective until the next appointment and any med changes.  The doctor almost ALWAYS puts in his/her notes who brought him to the appointment.  If you don't get one of these, get a copy of his med records, it will be in there.

Get to know the doctor's nurse if you see the same one all the time.  (example....step mom had called up to the doctor to get more meds..but didn't need them.  A triage (sp) nurse took the call, the triage nurse has to call the doctors nurse to get the meds.  The message she gave to the doctor's nurse was that "the mother was confused about the meds and needed a list and dosage and ran out the doctor's nurse knew that there were weird things going on prior ..ie dad changing meds, dad trying to get more meds when not needed, and the dosage in particular was something he wanted badly.  The nurse told the triage nurse that the mother is not confused she knows the meds better than the doctor does...are you sure it wasn't the step mom?  The triage nurse didn't know and the doctors nurse told her not to call her back..guess what it wasn't me, and the doctors nurse told me the entire story.  I love her!)

Also, they cancelled an appointment once and rescheduled it and I went on the original day, and was like WHAT??  Did I do that?  Ok wierd, got the new date and then the day of THAT appointment they got a call from me to cancel again because I was sick and needed to reschedule.  The doctor's nurse called my cellphone and asked if I was coming?  I said..ahhh, yeah why?  and again told me the story that I was sick and had to cancel.  Wasn't me.

So now we have a system in place that if I cancel or for any reason whatsoever need to speak to them I will always call their direct line and not triage.  Because someone that doesn't know how to get ahold of these people always goes through triage.  *sigh*  believe me I have been through every scenario regarding these twits.  It would be different if I was hurting our son or damaging him, these meds and therapies HELP him GEEEEEEEEZ!

Moral of the story, the nurse can/will be your best friend when you need her, and can write a letter when you need it.

Now that I am totally off track and lost my train of thought, do you have any specific questions that you need an answer to?  I don't think she is going to win if you want my opinion.  I would move for a dismissal because she really has no case.  She wants final decision making abilities when she doesn't go to any appointments...and you can prove it.
You can prove your son doesn't need this agency and this SW has clearly overstepped her boundaries with your case, I would report her to the SW union for unprofessional conduct.

[ER]

Ok, I so far have 5 to 6 professionals invovled with my son. The neurologist, he is currently getting aletter to me for court but he is slow as heck. My ex never went to him or callled to find out anything even when I gave her the reports. Now that is not to say she did becasue presently, I am not aware. Our state law says both parents have equal access to medical, dental and school records.

The regular physisian is also doctor to her daughter but never brought our son to the doctor once or asked baout her son. I go Monday to get recrods from her and hopefully a letter.

The Speech Therapist wrote a letter and detailed my involvement. The mother has been to speech therapy only 4 times in the summer but has never called or asked of our son's progress. The OT therapist is writng a letter and the mother has again only taken our son 4 times in the summer. Never called or followed up on our son;'s progress.

Lastly, the genetics counsler was just an evaluation for my son and I to get more information regarding his diagnose and possible getting a referral. Now I have to go to see them next week to get records of the visit. The developmental pediatrician I am currently working with is still wating for an appointment. I procrastinated during the summer months becasue of our son going back and forth and then school started and problems arose ther asw ell so I was finally able to get the appointment set in place. Problem is it is after our hearing in Jan. I also felt my son's progress was great as well as others so I guess I was hilding off a bit to get other things settle.

The ex and these SW's feel my son needs to be diagnosed more as they seem to become doctor's themselves all of a sudden. My son has a genetic disorder that is proven by blood work 2 years ago. He was also diangosed with an Autistic Spectrum disorder but not fully Autistic. The SW and my ex beleive he has Autism completely and the genetics disoredr has nothing to do with his development because they read that this disorder can sometimes has no symptoms. My son's disorder is that of 1 in 1000 boys so it is kind rare. The disorder has similar symptoms of Autism to an extent. I was cautioned by the Genetics Counsler to be careful how my son is diangosed by psychologist because I will most likley get 3 different answers. I do not want my son labeled because of no one not knowing his condition. Not many people understand his condition as it relates to his development because of the information available. Most that I tell this to, heard of it but do not know much. In fact I have to tell them from the 2 years of reseach and other parents' knowledge I have learned to fully make them understand. It has not been easy and this SW and my ex have one track minds.

Again, it is down right control. There is a major behavior issue with the mother and our son. She does not want to take the time to learn or do what is required but she refuses to do anything else. SHe has a mentality that if anyone tells her somthing in regards to her approach to things or say techniques, she gets stoned faced and ignores all. I think it is somthing mental in way where we all have had constructive critisizm and learned to take our lumps but she gets angry enough that she will do the opposite just to make apoint or do nothing at at. With our son the way he is, this is bot good but try proving that in court.

As I said before, I never knew a parent to pay their own child to be a parent for the sake of embarrasment and dignity. My ex's father has gone as far as isolating his children from everyone to have the utlimate control over them by using the poser of money. My son's uncle at first knows the behavior issues at hand and would testify but now he has been manipulated by his father tot he point that he is afraid of not getting money. Sad, but ture. ANd his wife and him I fear will be divorced at the hands of the father over a bribe of money. Mark my word this evil man will use money to do whatever he can to have control of all. BTW, he is not from the USA, he is from a place our men and women have been for a few years now if you get the picture. We allowed them into our country and gave them free educations, and then they screw us...Ok enough before I go wayyy off here....

I am going to the attroney Monday to review our motion. I will ask about dismissing her motion based on no proof but I think that may be already in place. I got 2 weeks to get all my ducks in a row to prove my motion. I got all documents and papers so far.

I thought about having her more invovled but I was holding back becaues I wanted to see if she was interested and was willing to contact me or the doctors to be a part but I guess not. If she would get the motion granted, her father and her along with this SW would change all the doctors and therapist so that they would have the control to keep me out.

Once this motion is settled, I will defiantely get word to these doctors again. I showed them our court papers the frist time and explained that I am the only one to be contacted regarding our son. I have not had a problem as of yet.


As for this SW and her agency they will be in for a surprise as well.

[Sunshine1]

If I may ask, what is your son's diagnosis.  My son has a rare genetic disorder as well, only 200 or so in the world and what you describe they sound like brothers...or similar I should say.

You can PM me if you do not wish to disclose it in a thread.

[ER]

I will, thanks