advise please / seems harsh ???

[pestor]

Our daughter is 5. She has long hair approx half way down her back. One of our parenting issue's is dealing with tangles and knots. I'm sure I spend at least 30 minutes a day chasing this kid with a brush and a bottle of detangler. We enjoy our time together so it's all good. As long as no tangles get snagged. She literally freaks out.

I called my ex proposing to release the atty's and finishing up on our own. She doesn't think we can because I am the cause of all the problems.

At one point in the conversation, we talked about our daughter's hair. She said that, if I send our child to school looking deprived, she'd come over and break my legs. She also pointed out that it's a reflection on the parent not having pride in themselves and the child.

I explained the aforementioned ritual we go through every day, then asked her for any advice. What else can I do to be a better parent? I asked her what she does.

She said 'something to the effect like':

"Give her a bowl of ice cream, face her towards the TV, pin her between your legs and just yank out the knots with a big comb. If she screams and cry's, just shove the spoon in her mouth with a lump of ice cream and ignore it. She don't like it but that's tough. She'll live."

Wow. I didn't expect all that. Seems a little harsh doesn't it?
 

[dontunderstand]

That is really harsh.  I am big on the whole hair thing too, but I gotta tell you that is rediculous.  I had really long hair when I was a kid and my suggestion to you is to do her hair at night.  If you put it in a braid before bed the knots are not bad at all in the morning...just a suggestion.  I wouldn't try the whole ice cream thing though she may choke.

[joni]

are you sure she wasn't being sarcastic?  ask your daughter if her mom does that.  DO NOT DO THAT.

good prior advice, at night, spray her hair with a children's detangler spray (by the kids shampoo) and then braid it.

[jilly]

To state the obvious:  just cut her hair!

My DD had long hair and it was beautiful. But, like you, getting the tangles out was a major ordeal.  As much as I hated to do it, I took her to get her hair cut.  She looked cute as a button and there were no more struggles getting her hair brushed.  It's well worth it!

[wysiwyg]

I have to agree with Jilly, a 5 YO with long hair that is active and gets tangles is more interested in playing that primping, so make it easier on her and everyone and cut it.  You can make an big deal out of it and allow her to look in books at the salon to see what she likes and then agree on something you both like and is easier to manage.  You have to admit it is gonna be less stressing and less time consuming to brush shorter hair!  

Good luck!

[mc24]

I have all girls.  I have seen the hair brushing struggle more than you want to know!  If you can't stand to cut her hair, the braid is a great idea.  Some tips on hairbrushing are to talk calmly to her about brushing it.  Tell her you promise to stop if it hurts.  Say you're sorry every time she says "OW!"  and that you will be more careful.  The whole time you're brushing, stay calm and tell her you are really trying to be careful.  Start at the bottom couple of inches and brush out those tangles, then slowly work your way up.  Just an inch or so at the time.  When you start at the top, the tangles just move down and mix with the lower tangles and make more, bigger tangles.  

If you can bathe her first, do, and use conditioner.  Brush while it's still wet.  That's certainly not always an option, but it's the best way to go if it fits in the schedule.

Also, she is old enough now to start brushing her own hair.  Show her how and make it fun.  Then let her brush first and you will just "check to see she got all the tangles out" after.

Hope this helps!

[wendl]

Thats the reason I keep my own hair at shoulder length, I can't stand tangles, I can't stand hair in my face.

My best friend has long hair, she braids it everynight before bed to help with the tangles.

I am lucky though I have a son whom loves short hair, if it gets past his ears he complains to get his haircut.

My neice is 9 she is a active little girl who hates to comb her hair, therefore her hair is shorter.  Nothing wrong with little girls having short hair until they are older and can manage it themselves.


I know in our case, I have two stepsons, their mother likes their hair on the longer side, dh likes it on the shorter side (as they do not comb or take care of there hair) Usually in the summer dh will cut it short as we are active people and like to get up and go, no time to primp.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[MYSONSDAD]

Yes, it is harsh.

My sisters had long hair. My mom would use baking soda on their hair and the snarls came right out. Try that. Just sprinlkle it lightly, work it in. Worked like a charm, no yelling either.


"Children learn what they live"

[Giggles]

There's part of your problem no wonder she freaks when you hit a snag...poor little thing...that is MUCH too harsh!!!

I have a 6 y/o who is "tender headed" but WILL NOT let me cut her hair.  Her hair is down to her butt....BUT I don't have any problems with tangles AT ALL!!!  I do NOT use kid shampoo on her and conditioner is a MUST!!  I use Nutragena (sp) Moisture Shampoo and conditioner but I think any GOOD Adult shampoo and conditioner will work.  When I wash her hair I take care not to scrunch it up too much and I smooth it through with my fingers before rinsing.  Then I put on the conditioner (DO NOT be Stingy) and again I am carefull not to scrunch her hair too much.  If I notice a few tangles...I work them out with my fingers.  I leave the conditioner in while she washes (about 3-5 min)...I then rinse her hair well with warm water.  I have a hand held shower head that works really well!!  When I dry her hair...I take care again not to scrunch it up too much with the towel.  Another helper I use is "3 minute Miracle" by Aussie  It's a conditioner that comes in a tube.  I squirt a small pea size blob in my palm, rub my palms together and then smooth it down the length of her hair while it is still damp and before combing.  I then use 3 different combs...The 1st one is big toothed and wide space....the 2nd comb is a little smaller teeth and less space and then a regular comb.
I too braid her hair at night to cut down on tangles in the morning and she LOVES the way it makes her hair wavy :-)

GOOD Luck!!!