FERPA and visiting school

[worriedmom]

1. My papers were reviewed and signed off by court.
2. Parenting Time- My son resides and uses my address for mailing and educational purposes. His BD takes him friday at 6p and returns him Sunday at 6p every other weekend.
3. BD picks up from my residence and drops off.
4. Decision making- medical care (both unless emergency), Routine/Minor decisions- "each parent shall decide all routine and minor matters concerning the child's welfare occuring while in that parents' custody" , mostly the person he is reciding with makes the decisions, thats what I am getting from it

[Mediator]

>1. My papers were reviewed and signed off by court.
>2. Parenting Time- My son resides and uses my address for
>mailing and educational purposes. His BD takes him friday at
>6p and returns him Sunday at 6p every other weekend.
>3. BD picks up from my residence and drops off.
>4. Decision making- medical care (both unless emergency),
>Routine/Minor decisions- "each parent shall decide all routine
>and minor matters concerning the child's welfare occuring
>while in that parents' custody" , mostly the person he is
>reciding with makes the decisions, thats what I am getting
>from it
You state in #3 what the routine has been but I am not sure if you are stating that it is specifically stated as such in the court agreement.  Please clarify this point.

If it is written into the agreement and BD has unilaterally changed the routine without your agreement than the dispute needs to be worked out between both of you directly or through a means already delineated int eh agreement such as mediation or court.

As residential custodial parent you do not have any more authority than the BD in major decision making issues such as education, religion, sprots etc.  Everyday decisions for the child are made by the parent the child is with at the time.  These decisions would include what to eat, when to eat, bedtime, watching TV, attending parties, going to the doctor for routine visits, etc.

If the parenting time you refer to in item # 2 is the ONLY parenting time he has (specifically written in the court agreement) then he would not be allowed to pick him up from school.  He could always ask the court for a modification of parenting time.  If he has parenting time during the week that is written into the agreement and it does not state how the transfer is to occur than he could probably pick him up from school until a court decides differently.

[Mediator]

I reveiwed your first post on this subject and as an independant thrid party I question the ferousticy and legitimacy of your flight risk concern.  I say this knowing nothing about either of you and only relying on the limited post.  That being said how would picking the child up during the week increase his flight risk compared to having the child over the entire weekend?  It doesn't make sense.

Secondly, if there were a substantiated flight risk than why are you not addressing this in court through a modification of parenting time towards supervised parenting time.  If I thought an ex were going to take of hurt my child there would not be a wall high enough that I would not climb to protect my child.

[worriedmom]

My ex is very unpredictable. There has been more stuff that has been happening but all that is on a different post. I am worried about it but nothing can b done right now bc my husband and I are in the middle of an adoption case (my middle son). My husband is adopting him. We dont want to ruffle any feathers right now with the state bc our adoption could be affected (as I was told by my lawyer) When that is said and done then we are going to work on my oldest son. Trust me there is no wall high enough to keep me from protecting him. I was just wanting to know if he could take him from school without my consent and I do worry all weekend. At times I have driven by his house to make sure he is still there. I have a post in Visitation Issues "Innocent Victim" and Custody Issues "Question about custody order" if you want to check those out to get a better mental image of whats going on. I am currently reading a book called "Joint Custody with a Jerk" to see what I can do to get him to cooperate with me so that at least I am not the one fighting. Only he is. But it doesnt cover the extent that he goes. I tried mediation with him and the outcome of that is posted in Parenting Issues and Visitation Issues. It wasnt very good. The mediator was fishing him excuses like "well I bet you were at work, right?" and "well you do have another baby to tend to." Of course he agreed, she would do this when i brought up a point that he didnt have an excuse for. If he stayed quiet then she would speak for him. It was very frustrating. But anyway if you want to check those posts out, I wouldnt mind at all. Maybe you can shed some light on something in there that no one else has mentioned.

Also on #3 the court papers say that the respondent (my ex) has to pick my son up from my residence and drop him off at my residence unless I move from the Belton, Raymore area (cities where I live) He doesnt get him during the week at all unless it is a holiday week (e.g. Thanksgiving Break, Christmas Break, etc)

[Mediator]

thanks for the clarification.  Based on your posts your ex does not have the right to pick him up and I would have my attorney write a letter to the school clarifying this point providing the court agreement to back it up.  The school would then be exposed to serious legal repercussions if they allow him to pick up the child.  It would be like I picked him up.  I have no right to him nor does your ex.

I will try to view your other posts soon.  I will say there are many different types of mediators and one is not the equal of the other in style or competancy.  that being said we mediators lack any authority in th ematters we deal with.  I usually try to have specific consequences in the agreements that are tied to performance.  typically both parents have no problem making promises so I say OK then leets figure out an appropriate consequence if you fail to perform as promised.  In that way both parties know waht to expect and the court sees the history and the seriousness of the issue.  With an agreed upon consequence the court does not have to spend time determining how to rule if a breach of the agreement occurs.  All you would need to do is prove the breech.  I have enough expreince to generally know if a parent is trying to pull something, is not being truthful or is not a competant parent.  I while I do not take sides with the adults I certainly try to work out an agreement that benefits the children.