new to board & looking for comments

[beemersmom]

hi everyone - pls be patient w/ me, i have zero grip on all the acronyms, but will get there.  this is long, but i'm stumped . . . .

i am a divorced (3 yrs) single mother w/ sole physical & legal custody of my child.  i have met the nicest man who is also divorced w/ 3 children. he shares custody 50/50 & pays child support.  they live in a small community that is essentially a company town with truly one major employer & not much else, about an hour & half away from me.  they (him, wife & kids) moved there about 3 years ago for his job & divorced not long after.   their custody agreement states that neither has the ability to move the children w/o the other's consent and they both agreed they will always live in the same county.  both him & his ex wife have discussed moving from where they live to the city i live in, long before i ever came into the picture.  we would like to get married and we acknowledge that becoming a family of 6 will take 2 incomes.  it makes most sense (fiscally, education opportunities, family, etc) for him to move here - aside from the fact that its something he's wanted to do.  the thing is when pressed his ex-wife is now wavering and basically indicating she will not move.  this is the thing.  she lives with someone - she moved in w/ him not too long after the divorce & frankly he provides her with a pretty cushy life that one could see why she wouldn't want to leave.  however, he's also thrown her out a couple times, she's made comments that he's mentally abusive & well, she's rather flakey when it comes to the children.  there have been numerous late pick-ups, a seeming lack of consideration for the child (one situation had the ex-wife calling my boyfriend statiing the middle child had a party to go to & that the ex would drop off the b-day gift when she picked up the child at the end of the party resulting in a very embarrassed child), she's shown up unannounced dropping off the kids on days they are supposed to be with her because she wants to come down to the city & "shop".  they are stupid little things, but just a general self centered attitude.  

my point to all of this is my boyfriend feels very trapped & i'm wondering if any of you have any suggestions or insights.  i've tried to condence this scenario so i'm certain i've left a lot out, please feel free to ask questions.  thanks.

[tulip]

How about you both move half-way? Then he would be required to to provide transportation for the kids to school, so they wouldn't have to change schools. Doesn't matter how inconsiderate she is, she's their mother. The only way he can move without her consent, and keep the kids is to file for sole custody. That would cause probably a nasty ugly court battle. And he would have to prove it is the children's best interests to move from their hometown.

I hope he can work something out without it having to come to that. Don't make him choose between you and his kids.