Need advice on daughter's behavior lately....

[mommy of three]

My oldest daughter will be 7 this Sunday.  She has always been a well behaved child and does well in school.  Recently her grades have been declining and she seems to be having trouble with just the basic stuff.  Math is her biggest problem right now.  
Everyday after she gets home from school, we sit down and do her homework which usually consists of a phonics paper, a math paper, a book to read aloud, and a spelling word list for her test on Friday.  I have never had a problem in the past with her doing her homework, but lately she has been fighting me about doing it.  She will try everything to get out of it.  Today I recieved a note from her teacher stating that she has not been paying attention at school, has been daydreaming alot, and is not always completing her work at school.  The teacher said that her grades are going down dramatically and wondered if there was anything going on at home.  
There has not been much change here, same old routine as always.  My mother did pass away unexpectedly last month, but my daughter was not very close with her because she lived in another state.  I've tried talking to my daughter to see if there is something bothering her but she always says that everything is fine.  
Can anyone give me some ideas on what to do next?  We already do extra math papers on the weekends to try to get her ahead but it doesn't seem to be working.  She also has a tutor at school once a week.  I'm out of ideas here.

[Peanutsdad]

It could be any number of things,, but there ARE significant clues in your post.....

Childhood daydreaming is normal,, daydreaming to the point that daily life or grades are effected,, is not. Its an indication of escape. Now, WHAT is the child escaping FROM? No idea. It could be that your mothers death effected her more than you know. Notice,, daily life and routine,, stayed as it was...

Then again, she could be just going thru a little rebel stage and in a few weeks she'll snap out of it and return to wanting to do well in school.

Best advise is ask her what she daydreams about,, that in itself could tell you a lot.

[mommy of three]

Well there have been alot of things going on in her life in the last year.  About a year ago she lost her grandfather on her dad's side...then her favorite aunt this past June..then my mother right before Christmas.  She seems to have dealt with all of this very well.  I have already had the counselor at school speak with her and he thinks she is doing fine.  Even said my exhusband and I have done a great job with her....she is polite and not afraid to talk about anything.  
I'm hoping this is just a phase and she will tell me if anything is bothering her because she has always been able to talk to me about anything.  
Her teacher is just concerned because this is not like my daughter at all.  She has always been a good student and eager to learn new things.  We have a family vacation to Florida planned in March but I am not sure now if I should take her out of school for the week.  I am hoping that maybe she is just really excited about going to Florida and that is what has been on her mind at school.  
Thanks for the advice and I will try talking to her about it again.

[Indigo Mom]

You say she's having problems in math?  Any idea whether it's that new bullcrap "fuzzy" math called "Everyday Math" ????

I can tell you right now, my lil dude is smart like you wouldn't believe...but he doesn't get math.  And this "new" math has him in such a frustrated state his grades are also suffering, in ALL subjects.  He is so boggled with this ONE subject that ALL subjects are going down.  

One more thing, and I'll bet I'm wrong, but I'll shoot it out anyway.  For a good 4 months before my son was rushed to the ER after having a grand mal, he "zoned"....I swear, he zoned out so much, I started yappin at him to "snap" out.  He drove me nuts with this zoning...which his teacher called daydreaming.  This boy zoned in the worst places...crossing streets, in the shower...it was awful.  His grades slipped during this time, too.

Welp, turns out they were petit mals...I just didn't know what they were.  When she does this "daydreaming" thing....does she sort of look like she's locked onto something in outerspace?  And can she be brought out of it with a clap of your hands or other little noise?????  When my son was "zoning" i could smack him upside the head and he wouldn't move.  Though what was WEIRD as all get out...he remembered me doing it, wanted to yell at me, but couldn't.

Sorry 'bout the "drastic" seizure talk...but whenever I hear about daydreams or zoning, I get myself all worked up into a tizzy.

[mommy of three]

Her school did switch math programs this year.  Her teacher said that alot of kids are having trouble with it. I think the teacher called it Saxon. I think she is a little overwhelmed by all of the work that she has this year.  They expect so much out of these kids now.  Her spelling word list is a little difficult too.....IMO.  
As far as the day dreaming....this is new.  She has often tuned everything out while watching a favorite show on tv, but never at school before.  She usually answers me when I call her name though.  
I'm just concerned because this is not her normal behavior.  Thanks for the advice.....maybe I will make a doctor's app. for her just to get her checked out.

[MKx2]

DS had difficulty with math as well, but before I go on to that, I always let DS have some "chill out" time right after school.

Think about it.  These kids are in a "learning environment" all day - then they come home and guess what? MORE to do along the same lines.  I found with DS to give him about an hour to play and just relax made him FAR more receptive to homework.  He would do it at the kitchen table while I made supper.  Took me longer to make supper, but it was well worth it to have him in a better mood.

With the math issue, DS was/is a "concrete learner."  He needed manipulatives to be able to understand math concepts.  Well ... I always used M&M's ... when he got the answer correct, he got to eat the M&M's.  So there was definitely a reward for learning.  

I do agree with the other posters - daydreaming IS normal to some extent.  Perhaps she's finding school much harder this year - is she in 2nd grade?  If so it's common for them to feel the stress of more work, AND having to work independently more than previously.  Maybe get her a physical to rule out the "zoning" issue ... and maybe try to get her to talk about her granny a bit - kids take those things harder than we adults realize - even if she was particulary close to her.

Good luck and let us know how she fares over the next while.

[sweetnsad]

I skimmed through the other posters and I don't think anyone asked this question:

Is there any conflict between you and her father by any chance?  I just wondered if maybe something along that lines might be bothering her...like, does she see her father or is he even in the picture?  I agree that daydreaming is normal to an extent, but it sounds as though there is something more on her mind...

I'm no expert, I just wondered if it was anything to do within the family.

[NoNicky]

The teacher was telling you alot about the math when she said it was Saxon.  I volunteer and sub  in an alternative school for children with ADHD, emotional and mental problems, who are at risk of dropping out, etc.  Ones that just don't seem to fit into the system.  We take in students from every district in the county.  Usually the home school provides us copies of their books so we can tailor the courses for each child.  The one thing we do is change the math books if they are using Saxon.  Those are the most poorly written books I have ever seen.  I've watched adults struggle with it.  Not because the concepts are so hard but because they way they've written the instructions are so poor, vague and fuzzy that no one is sure what to do.

I think the doctor's appt is a good idea.  Is it possible your child is ADHD?  Most people think that if they don't see what they consider classical hyper activity then it can't apply to the child.  They fail to recognize the hyper activity refers to the brain and not necessarily the body.  I have an ADHD child who can sit still for hours but his mind is like a pinball shooting around.  Give him a book to read and he does fine.  Don't ask him to pay attention to a lecture in a classroom or take notes on what the teacher is saying.  He can not stay focused that long.  

Best of luck and let us know what you find out.

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[mommy of three]

She sees her father every other weekend.  I try to get him to be more involved with the children and their schoolwork, but he seems to just want to be involved when it is his weekend.  Don't get me wrong, he is a great dad when he has them, it's just getting him to spend more time with them than the EOW schedule.  
Her father and I get along pretty well, actually alot better now than we did when we were married.  We even get together once or twice a month and have dinner with the kids.  I don't think it really has anything to do with that.  
I spoke with her teacher this morning and scheduled a conference for next week.  She said she is a very bright child and normally is eager to learn new things.  She has just had trouble getting her attention in class lately.  
As far as the math goes, I usually use pennies or crayons for the visual but she sometimes gets confused and counts too many or not enough.  Her teacher also mentioned that she is having trouble with reading comprehension(sp?).  She reads pretty well, but has trouble telling you about what she just read.  I'll find out more about classroom behavior next Tuesday when I meet with her teacher.
Thanks to all for your advice.

[Kitty C.]

You mentioned getting her in for a check-up, but you might also want think about having her hearing and eyes tested as well.  May be a long shot, but it's weird sometimes how kids will 'cover up' things like that.  it's just that you said she's also have problems with reading comprehension.  Does she read out loud for you or in school?

Another possibility is a learning disability coming out, tho I highly doubt that.  If that were the case, it would have been noticed LONG before now.  Good luck and let us know how she's doing!