What to do with rudeness?

[Imom]

One year my husband was at his two weeks for gaurds, they made him issue me one so I could pick ss up from bm, in order to get him back to school on time.........plus so pick up does not interefere with his gaurd weekends.  I only need it when I do that or sign papers, or take ss to the hospital.

[MKx2]

unless it is specified in the court order, the step parent does NOT have the right to seek medical care (for the flu, etc.), take to the dentist, pick up from school, etc.

Amazing - we are raising the child with the bio parent yet haven't the right to do all the things that are supposed to be done.

[Brent]

>unless it is specified in the court order, the step
>parent does NOT have the right to seek medical
>care (for the flu, etc.), take to the dentist, pick
>up from school, etc.

I haven't read the whole thread so pardon me if I repeat something that's already been mentioned, but usually the NCP can use a Power of Attorney form for this kind of thing.  The POA allows the step parent the right to do things like seek medical treatment for the child, pick him up, and so on.

It's kind of a long link, but this will bring up the Power of Attorney stuff:

http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/search.cgi?Terms=Power+Of+Attorney+Forms+&Match=1&Realm=All

[MKx2]

One of the posters above didn't realize that you needed a POA in order to do these things ... without the POA in lieu of specific verbiage in the CO, step parent can't do nada (legally, that is).

Thank you for posting the link Brent ... my blonde brain at work again - LOL!

[DK]

This is similar to my situation.  I have known my SS since he was 5.  He is now 10 1/2.  Your rules are the same as mine.  It irritates me the most when my SS mouth starts going.  Lately he is opposistional.  This child has been shown by example how to do his chores, table manners, share, etc, etc, etc for 5 1/2 years.  To this day what is shown and taught at his BM house is what shines through.  And it is similar to your story.  Like you and your situation, this is sad and frustrating.  All I can say is that you need to stick to your guns NOW.  At the age of 8 you can still get her in line.  As far as spanking,  I have a 4 year that gets spanked.  My DH has spanked my SS.  To this day I have resisted the strong urge to spank my SS.  I don't because:  he is not my son, no matter how much I love him and put him first.  Now that he is older I hand out more chores, usually in what ever part of the house or yard needs cleaned up most.  When he is doing poor in math or spelling and SS gives me hard time, suddenly it is time to practice division.  When SS was 8 he hated to write.  I gave him a topic and he had to write.  Started out with one paragraph and worked up to 5.  (I liked that best)  Even when upset with SS I gave something fun to write about; Best friend, day at beach, birthday party, what he LIKES about our house AND his BM house (nothing about what SS dislikes, we already know).    My advice, and I am working on this hard myself, remain calm infront of the kids.  Turn your back and count to 10.  Find something to do with each child for 1 hour a week alone.  There are times when I have to take two steps back with SS.  I also posted 4 rules for each room of house and it actually worked.  Bathroom: brush teeth, hang towels, put all bath supplies back in proper place.  Kitchen:  help set table, help clear table, play with little brother while I cook, help cook when asked.  Bedroom:  make bed, put pajamas away, put dirty clothes in hamper, pick up toys, vaccuum.  I know this is getting long, I relate so much.  All of this has helped at one time or other over the last 3 years.  Every year or so I have to put a new twist on things.  For some reason no matter how much things are consistant here there is always havac.  So GOOD LUCK!  My thoughts are with you.

[Imom]

its not in the court order, that Step-parents can not take him. They have a plain jane, loose co. only states they have joint legal custody, and share physical. States the times they each have physical custody, (no dates, no time for pick up/drop off are even in this thing). States  they both have reasonable visitation and e/o christmas vacation. She picks up at beginning bf  at the end. When he and when she can clain him on taxes and thats it. At the time this went into order she was moving 14 hours away that is in there too at the beginning, and bf was staying here, and the judge did not order any times to be added for pick up/drop off.


When I started coming here and reading everything I about had a cow. I will admit I knew not a thing nor did my husband and things are going better now with bm, they only thing we were really not doing was sending her school info, but she never asked and I never thought about it. But I do now............................................


I had full custody off my two and my attorny did not explain anything to me, I knew I had control of evrything but didn't know that I should have been keeping my ex.bf informed of medical care and school, he was not envolved anyway, never asked, lived in the same town and he never never asked to see the children, he signed his rights way and my husband adopted them. After that happened his sister contacted me and we all are still friends ,they said they were afraid I would say no. Anyway they still see his family often, thats good.

[Imom]

I never had a problem taking him to any doctor, or picking him up from school nor did my husband before he adopted my two, the school and the doc. office said as long as it does not state in the co that I can't bring him to their office, or pick him up from school then I can, of corse this was after I got the POA is when they told me this cause I thought that they may need a copy.  But we never had a problem before that either. Its just you can't seak medical care from the hospital or sign anything that i needed one.  I do most of the school stuff and doc. stuff hubby works 8-5 and its easier for me.

[Imom]

my mother, my brother and my friend have all taken my children to the doctor.  With no problems.............of course it is their records that so and so brought them in........our doc records with a recorder..

xxxxx was seen in my office to day and is here with xxxxx.. His reason for being here is   xxxxx, etc.

[MKx2]

if the court order does not specifically state that the step parent IS allowed to do the doctor, dentist, etc. then TECHNICALLY the step parent cannot take the child.  Issues arise when/if a bio parent objects, OR if the doctor, etc., will not see the child without the bio parent present.

It sounds like you have a doctor who uses common sense.  At times they are difficult to find.  I never meant to give the impression that I AGREED with the way things are - only to warn of what COULD happen.

Sounds like you're doing a good job Im - I hope things continue to go smoothly for you.  :-)

[sweetnsad]

understand your point of view if you were posed with the "threat" of abuse from SD, but MY point is that it's not like that in every situation...and if you can discipline the Skids the same way you discipline your own, the good for you.  It makes things a hell of a lot easier in the long run.