"why would you sue my mom?"

[Ref]

How do you answer a 14 year old without sounding like the bad guy. SD is pissed at DH for "suing her mom" because he filed for a modifiacation for CS because he was laid off. BM just wrote him a note stating that she will not accept any mail except through "regular mail" and about certain topics and that she wont accept calls from him unless it is 1 an emergency or 2 about last minute visitation changes. She also threatening to "take a make-up day" from Thanksgiving our Xmas break that she is not entitled to. She is forcing him to sue her and Dh knows that will help her alienate his daughter even more from him.

What to do?

Thanks
Ref

[MixedBag]

Answer with the truth....

Dad lost his job and therefore, even his children will need to feel that loss.

Since Mom and Dad are divorced, the proper way to adjust child support to reflect what happened is through a court.  It's not suing Mom.  That's when one person does something wrong to the other and you sue them for money in court.

Mom and Dad are divorced.  So when the divorce decree needs to be changed, we/they NOW have to go to a judge to get it done.

And honey, you need to remind yourself to stay out of the middle of any discussions or subjects between your mom and your dad.  That's their business and not yours....remember what you hear from your mom is probably not the whole truth, but her version of the truth.  Listen to both sides and then make up your mind.

[FLMom]

How bout this?

"XXXXX, I'm sorry that your mom explained it to you that way. When you're older we'll talk more about it, but for now this is not something that you should have to be involved in. I'm sorry if you feel put in the middle."

1) There is no finger pointing.

2) Just because Mom is slinging mud doesn't mean that Dad will too.

3) She knows that Dad will not make her carry this burden.

4) If a Judge ever asked her what was said, Dad will smell like roses.

5) Teenagers are a fickle lot, but they aren't dumb. She knows what's going on. It's just more fun to watch the fireworks. You get more "stuff" that way.

[Ref]

Great!

SD thinks DH is suing her mom, even though he explained that this is just what you do when there needs to be a change because of these circumstances.

DH just got served yesterday with the answer denying the modification for child support, a motion to modify visitation and she is SUING him for contempt.

1. She is denying him the right to modify based on her belief that he is willfully unemployed and has a histoy of doing such. - Guys, DH has worked fully for the past 11 years. In 1993 he left the military and was out of work for about 5 months until her could get a civilian job. He also has a termination letter stating that they closed down several offices as a part of restructuring. She is the one that has been on welfare this entire time.

2. She is asking for a modification for visitation. They just got done with modification in May of last year. Her substantial change in circumstances is that SD will be old enough to fly alone and the SD wants to work in the summer and misses her friends. Am I crazy, or do this things really not meet the condition of substantial change?

3. The contempt issues are regarding her not having SD for July 4th this year and not being notified of a trip we took during a weekend.

The July 4th issue is silly. She had SD for that day and was able to visit her the remainder of the time in our town based on the parenting plan. She told DH that SD was flying down Friday morning and will return Tuesday evening. DH said that he would not be able to do that for fear of losing his job (he would miss 2 days) and for the fact that he paid for SD's camp (she would miss 2 days). He stated that he didn't need to send her, because of the parenting agreement, but he would under the condition that she changes the times to better work with thier schedule. He sent the letter overnight and she rejected it. He left her 2 voicemails about it and she refused to respond. He sent her 3 emails about it, but she blocked his email addresses. She simply sent SD to our home with the tickets and the parenting agreement and $70 and told her that she would get her back to Fl. We have the overnight envelopes unopened and the emails certified that they were sent. We also have a voicemail stating that she doesn't need to communicate with him at all and has every right to fuse his letters.

The itinerary thing is silly too. There agreement states that if either have the child out of the residence for over 24 hours, they are to provide the other with contact info. Dh has always done this with an overnight package signed for by BM. The one time he did a verbal was when we were going out of town for less than 24 hours. He called her and left a message on her machine saying that we were going on a trip and that she can contact his cell or SD's cell if she needed anything. We left on a Saturday and returned on a Sunday. Unfortunately, this happened when a hurricane blew through Florida. Not a major one. BM called the house on Saturday afternoon and left a message. She called back Saturday evening asking for SD to call her back the next day. She called the house on Sunday morning and yelled at DH then called his cell and yelled at him and called SD's cell. SD called her back within 24 hours of her first call. This is better than what DH gets. She never has SD call him back. Technically, we weren't away for over 24 hours, but he still gave her contact information. In her complaint she stated that she had no way to contact SD. Obviously this was not true because she called her cell and Dh's cell.

Anyway, what does DH say to SD? She thinks he sued her mom but in reality, BM is suing him!

BM is a moron anyway. By suing DH for contempt, on bogus charges, he can file contempts that he has been holding back from filing in order to avoid conflict. Her attorney is equally as dumb. She had spelling errors in her papers and one of her arguements for modificiation was that now that SD is 15 and can fly alone, IF DH puts her on the last flight of the day and IF there are weather problems causing them to cancel the flight, SD MAY be stuck at the connecting airport. Who files on so many IFs? Dummy.

I was really upset when I heard that she filed these things, but when I read the documents, I was actually quite happy because I really think she is going to get her a$$ handed to her. The only sad part is she is going to continue to lie and manipulate SD to the point where DH will no longer be able to have a realtionship with her. When DH wins, BM is going to be PISSED!

Thanks for listening
Ref

[dipper]

How can anyone deny your dh's right to pursue a modification?  This isnt HER choice.  You go to the court and file and get it done.  

the rest of what you are talking about sounds like what we deal with - different but the same.  BS.....always a game to play.  Nothing can go smoothly, has to have drama to operate.  

That is one reason court is the only way - you cant rationalize with an unrational person.  You cant make someone act decent who doesnt have a decent bone in their body....

I hope it all works out for you and your dh...

[dontunderstand]

I am truely sorry and I feel what you are going through.  You have to play by the rules, she is exempt and she then looks like the hero to SD.  UUUGGGHHH.  Hang her with her own rope...get all your ducks in a row, get your phone bills to show that she had contact numbers and all the rest sounds like BS hopefully your judge will see that she is just throwing a fit because she isn't getting what she wants...good luck!

[Ref]

He is going forward with the CS decrease. He really has no choice. He can't make the money he did at his old job.

We are putting together his papers and he rehired his attorney (was doing CS Pro se). We can easily disprove all of her allegations. That will be the fun part.

I can't quite figure out if she really knows she is lying this much or if she is really this delusional. DH told her that he keeps all of the docs, voicemails, and records all the calls between them. My guess is she is just that crazy. Why would someone lie about so much that is so easy to disprove unless they really believe it themselves?

He is agressively defending himself against the accusations of contempt and he is filing for all of those things that he has been holding back on to keep the peace. So far she owes us $300 for a prior contempt and $375 for airline costs that the Parenting agreement says that she is supposed to pay for. DH tried to collect this in the past from her but she wrote him a letter stating that she thought it was extortion and she wasn't paying it. She also wrote several letters stating that she wasn't going to communicate with him about anything and that he was not allowed to talk to her about anything but visitation and emergencies. They have joint decision making. She refused communications several times and has had SD call DH about money. (we have a voicemail from SD stating that her mom wanted her to call him re: his half of an expense).  I think we have a chance of getting over 20 counts against her. She files for 2 very flimsy counts. Idiot.

Question: How far back should he go with the contempt? He can go back to the events that caused him to have to file for modification of child support over a year ago.

Well, thanks for all of your support. I don't know what I would do without this page.

Ref

[dontunderstand]

I don't know how far you can go with contempts, but I would guess within a year.  Keep us posted!

[MixedBag]

only to the date of the previous order.

You should have asked for contempt for stuff older than that before.

That's one philosophy.

The other is as long as it's a new subject type of thing, then go back as far as you think you need....prior contempt is one to bring up.

Airline ticket -- depends on what trip the ticket was purchased for and when the order was put in place that makes her responsible for the trip.

[olanna]

I believe I would let my daughter know that I think it's wrong that she is involved in the process but now that she knows, explain it to her. Let her know that if the CO weren't in the court but rather between two people that could work things out, there would be no open case to reduce the amount of support.  But because their is an open case, legally, your DH has no choice but to request the judge reduce the amount, as it is not within your control or her Mom's control to do this. The judge has to decide, hence, the reason it ended up in court.

Keep one thing in mind....she is 14 and the years pass so quickly. It's just a matter of time before there will be no one to control when she comes and goes...

;)