11 years and counting--it never stops

[bigdiol]

It never stops. husband and BMFH have been divorced 11 years.

Husband tried to talk to BMFH about not browbeating SD (age 11) into calling her every day. – that it put too much pressure on her. BMFH wants access to her every day - she calls our house at LEAST 3-5 times every day. THerapist has said there are major amounts of PAS going on here - and her behavior shows it. There has been a BIG difference when we have curtailed the calls to a reasonable amount.

BMFH refused to listen, only to scream out her agenda, and it was about her, NOT SD and that husband was in soooooooo much trouble – and you’re gonna get it , blah blah blah. And--- you are going to pay for every wrong you have ever done to me, all my attn fees, and everything.

Today again we had a visit from the sheriff.  The police said that we had to let SD call her mom. They asked SD if she was permitted to call her mother – and she said no. They also asked her if she was being abused - she said no.

The problem is – is that SD was asked for 4 days in a row to call BMFH –and declined – and refuses now to admit that she does not wat to call her mother.

So we end up looking like the bad guys. On the record. The police stated that a judge from our court Called and talked to the supervisor of the sheriff – and asked that they talk to her in person. HOw does this happen?? we cant even get our COURT DATE to be in front of a judge without being cancelled---much less any of our "emergency motions" heard. Our last date was December!!!!!!!!!! How is she then able to get the "ears of the court" ?  

This is soooooo frustrating. We have made sure this child is in school ( almost straight A's) ON TIME - not absent a gazillion times, keep a schedule, pay for any and ALL expenses - without one penny from BM (who cares soooooooooooo much) plus legal fees in the tens of thousands, and make sure she has a happy and secure home. and the agenda of the BMFH is to wreck it all because "HOW DARE YOU MKAE MY CHILD HAPPY."

Help - because i am at the end of being able to take all of this.

rubia


 

[nosonew]

Sounds like she has a friend in the court house or something.  I would suggest you keep track of all phone calls going in and out.  Write a letter to bm stating she may call child on this day and that (I would suggest 2 days per week), at such and such time.  The sd is 11, I would think she would know how to pick up the phone and dial if she wished to .

Keep this log, stick to the schedule, and unless there is a medical problem, or school problem, tell her she can email her or something on the off days (then you can read it too!).  Twice per week is plenty, as 3-5 times daily is pretty disruptive to any household.  

You also may need to disengage a bit.  Back off and let your dh deal with this stuff.  Vent here, but keep it in check around sd.  Good luck!-Oh, and you may want to use a cell phone to record/log calls going in and out so you have an actual record if it is not long distance!

[AuntieB]

Your SD is apparently afraid of the BM that is why she is telling the Sheriff that she isn't permitted to call. She is stuck between a rock and a hard place. One thing I don't allow with my children is lying. Does she understand the consequences of her lying? I would have a meeting with your husband and SD and discuss this.