Being denied communication

[Stats]

Stats

[NYParent]

I wanted to get everyone's advise on this issue.  BM is not allowing me to talk to my child (I guess that's punishment for not giving into her demands to do the modification in TX).  I haven't hear from my child in three weeks.  I have sent numerous text messages, I have called, and my attorney wrote a letter asking for access. 

I have decided that I will be sending some sort of communication every other day and asking for a date and time to speak to my child.  Then at the end of the week I will send a letter stating that she did not allow me access to the child and list out all my attempts there.

Do you think this can be construed as harassment?  Her and her attorney like to throw that word around.  Do you think every other day is excessive?

[MixedBag]

in another thread, you said you have court in early December.
 
right?
 
And that's in NY, right?
 
was trying to find the other thread -- where I think you said TX would not take jurisdiction.
 
Every other day -- harassment -- yea makes you scratch your head.
 
"MY" attorney wrote letter -- your TX attorney?  Or a NY attorney?
 
Keep on trying and be ready to show how often you tried in court in NY in early December.

[MomofTwo]

If your orders do not give you telephonic communication at specified times, then file a motion to have it - you want specific days/times which your child is available to talk to you on the phone and if the child isn't home, then the call has to be returned within so many hours.  If that is not in your orders, then your attempts mean nothing and neither would your notice.  She can't be held in contempt or viewed as denying your rights per the orders, if it's not in the orders.

[NYParent]

MB- The jurisdiction part has not been finalize.  It's still up in the air.  I have court in early Dec. in NY.  Mom has not shown up the last two court dates here  in NY.  My Texas attorney sent her Texas attorney a letter about setting up a more consistent schedule for communication with my child until we get a Court ordered one (he did this without my authorization which is another issue).  Of course my biggest issue is I want to speak to my child, so I am constantly trying. I get the feeling BM will not comply until we go to court again (if she even shows up, she hasn't the last two times).  In the mean time I am documenting and saving everything (I always do, even when there's no problem).

MomofTwo- My order does not have specific days.  It simply said that BM agrees to maintain and open and flexible schedule to allow frequent communication.  I am not trying to get her in contempt, I am going back to court for modification in order to avoid problems like this and get specific date and times.  I just simply want to talk to my child.


 

[MixedBag]

was there a hearing in TX?  I thought I remembered reading about one.....and that jurisdiction was denied for TX.
 
So is defined times for phone calls part of your motion to the NY court?

[NYParent]

MB- yeah it's complicated.  I had one hearing in TX.  The judge in TX said that NY had continual jurisdiction.  Since a petition was filed in TX, the judge from TX and NY have to speak and decide which state would be a better forum for trial.  NY judge said he was not ready to make a decision as he needed to talk to both parties. 

BM's attorney in TX showed up for the hearing in TX.  BM did NOT come to NY for the two hearings.  The next hearing is in Dec. (the judge here in NY was pissed and said he was ordering for BM to show up to the next one). 

Yes, that is part of my petition here in NY to get specific times for phone calls.  The entire CO needs to be more specific.  Not only will it allow for contempt if not followed, but it will allow for less communication between BM and I so that I can do some low-contact with her.

[snowrose]

Sounds like you're moving in the right direction with what you want the courts to make changes on.  Not much else you can do there, except maybe travel down to TX to see the child. 
 
Other than that, you could always call the child's local police and ask them to do a wellness check.  That would at least give you a small amount of peace of mind.

[Davy]

 
"travel down to TX to see the child" 

... and doing so may cause or give credibility to justify TX jurisdiction especially if the father is served with some BS motion or falsely accused / arrested.

Moreover and most importantly, the mother has kidnapped and is exploiting the child first by abscounding with the child to another state and secondly by not complying with any civil proceedure or court order.

Substantially withholding a child's access to their proper parent is moving from a civil arena to a criminal arena.

[snowrose]

"travel down to TX to see the child" 

... and doing so may cause or give credibility to justify TX jurisdiction especially if the father is served with some BS motion or falsely accused / arrested.

[/B]
 
*sigh* Of course he should consult with his TX lawyer before doing anything in TX - but the courts can't go around selecting a venue for a custody case based on someone visiting a state for a day or two, especially when they may need to do that to see their TX lawyer. 
 
Visiting a state for a few days is NOT establishing residence in that state.

[MixedBag]

no it doesn't -- BUT this dad is not dealing with a parent who has their head screwed on the right way.
 
You never know what's gonna happen....and I happen to agree with Davy since there's a hearing already scheduled for December.
 

[mdegol]

Have to agree with Davy.  Interstate child custody is based on child's residence for initial custody jurisdiction (subject matter jurisdiction).  However, child support (or jurisdiction over the father) can be based on the smallest of connections.  Simple as a speeding tickets, renting a car, doing any business in a state whatsoever subjects YOU to their jurisdiction.  Him staying away from Texas is a good idea, since it makes his jurisdiction argument even stronger.  I was in a similiar situation, and even if child never lived in contested state (actually Texas) my lawyer was very happy that child had never even BEEN inside the state for even 30 seconds.   I, on the other hand, had lived in Texas for a short time.  So while the subject matter and child was not in the jurisdiction of Texas, I WAS subject to Texas' jurisdiction.

[NYParent]

On my last visit to TX was when I got served with the summons.  When I did the motion to dismiss based on subject and personal matter jurisdiction, the judge informed me that since I rented a car in TX and in turn had conducted business in the state of TX, then they did have personal matter jurisdiction.  I know....doesn't make sense, but that's how it goes.

I was advised by my attorneys that until jurisdiction was settled, to be very careful about traveling to the state of TX; even to visit my child.  They said it was very common to have the other party try their hardest to get your arrested over the most frivolous things to use it as a way to get jurisdiction over the case.  This is the case with BM....she started bring this man to all our drop offs (which I didn't have a problem with) and come to find out he's a police officer dressed in plain clothing.  I was wondering why she was making a big deal about that third person there and screaming that she was afraid that I was going to hit her (when I NEVER have nor would I).....I let her scream all she wants, I didn't even speak to her.  I simply gave my child a kiss and said goodbye.

[MrCustodyCoach]

Every other day is not excessive.  As an aside, I often strongly urge people not to repeatedly communicate or threaten details regarding future litigation and why.  The only purpose that serves is to give them time to prepare a defense, even if fabricate, for it.

You make a few meaningful efforts to get her to permit appropriate levels of access to the child and record her refusals as well as journaling the details of every attempt made.  When, times, duration, etc.

Then, instead of threatening (and wasting your money on your attorney sending letters and faxes) - you just act.  You address the matter in court, not through repeated emails... THAT can be construed as "controlling and harassing."

[Davy]

Snowrose seemingly has everything backwards.
 
Kidnapper left TX  on a Saturday to visit a dying aunt in IL and filed for divorce/custody on Monday in IL venue #1 where the kids had NEVER been before.    The TX children were thriving like always in school and all activities.
 
PI reported kidnapper left venue #1 approx. 2 weeks after filing to parts unknown. 
 
Retained first & 2nd IL attorney by phone....never personally met neither  (IL and TX attorneys forbid my presence in IL for fear of justifying IL jurisdiction).  Hand carried case file to 3rd IL attorney in the dark of the night. Argued jurisdictional issues for 3.5 months (should have taken 5 minutes). Judge stated IL has absolutely no jurisdiction over any parties BUT would not dismiss the case until TX father filed for divorce in TX (how valid is that).
 
Kidnapper filed in IL :
venue # 2 again for custody
venue # 3 to defeat my property rights (no notice)
venue # 4 placing daughter for adoption (notice a formality)
venue # 5 & 6  for custodial interference against father (no notice)
venue # 7 in TX ... took ys from school
 
Father filed in TX by force and IL Federal (PKPA) and ordered kids returned home and IL venues to stop all proceedings.
Note : not taken kindly by TX judge in the Republic.  Federal court did what he refused (return kids) and he immediately sent kids back to IL during 5 minute temporary hearing changing custody from father to kidnapper while NOT allowing evidence of  physical abuse to children.
 
Father left TX (and TX lost jurisdiction) to stop the abuse in IL.   
 
Father prevailed in EVERY venue in both states either with an attorney or pro se  EXCEPT when 12 hour notice given for final judgement after lsing jurisdiction.  The ABUSE STOPPED !!
 
What about the kids .... one thing is that kidnapper kidnapped grandchildren in FL and daughter is paying CS (ys just sent $1000 from OUR business).
 
Happy motoring !!
 
 

[gemini3]

I agree with MrCustodyCoach.  One additional suggestion would be to send your ex a letter (just one) certified mail.  Outline your request for contact with your child, and suggest a schedule.  For example, M-W-F at 7:45 p.m.  Ask that, if she does not agree with the schedule she suggest an alternate arrangement.  Then, unless you hear back from her, start calling at the times in your letter.  Write your attempts down in your journal.
 
I think that this would be more helpful than calling and e-mailing constantly.  It will show your willingness to work with her, and her unwillingness to do the same.  You will have at least four weeks of attempting to call according to the suggested schedule.  She won't be able to use the excuse that she wasn't there, it wasn't convenient, etc, etc.  Your attorney will just have to ask why she didn't suggest an alternate schedule.