Fair custody proposal?

[MrCustodyCoach]

He was court ordered to video tape feedings to back up his case and he has chosen not to 99% of the time.

Lack of videotaped evidence doesn't equal "not feeding the infant."  I'm curious to know why and how he became court-ordered to videotape meals.

 

Medical records and his parenting time reflect that my son should have had medical care during his time, and has not.

   

I'll assume that there is some specific situation that requires regular, repeated attention that he's not getting and understand your not sharing details.  That would seem to me to be a compelling reason not to increase custodial time if there is a risk to the child's health and well-being be increasing the chances of not getting necessary medical care.

[gemini3]

My opinion is that a parent is always preferrable over a babysitter.  You would want to be able to parent your child if he was in the care of his father and his father had to go to work.  Do unto others...
 
I don't know what the background issues are regarding medical care, etc.  But I always suggest that both sides keep in mind that everyone parents differently.  Even couples who are together are challenged by this.  Barring neglect and abuse, you have to give the other parent the benefit of the doubt.  I understand that you don't care for him, and obviously something happened to change your mind since you decided to become pregnant by him.  However, unless he has some sort of severe mental disorder it's highly unlikely that he would want any harm to come to his own child, and the fact that he is exercising his visitation says that he loves and cares for his child.
 
Also, regardless of what anyone says, everyone is concerned with the CS on some level.  After all - it is money.  Getting it does make it easier to pay the bills, and paying it sure makes it a little more difficult.  So anyone, on either side, that says they don't care about CS is full of it.  Everyone cares.  However, that is not to say that caring about how much money you're left with after you pay all of your bills means that you don't care about your child.  Or that all you care about is the CS.  I think that's a very shallow interpretation of a persons motivations, and one that should be put aside when negotiating custody and visitation arrangements.  Because, if there is anyone who truly doesn't care about how much money is changing hands, it's the kids.  All they care about is their relationship with their parents.
 
Your ex's failure to attend medical appointments says nothing about how much he cares about his child - especially if you're there at the same time.  In fact, if things are contentious between you two (and it seems they are) it's probably a good idea not for him to be there.

[CuriousMom]

I actually don't really care about the CS except he absolutely should be responsible for his portion of medical and babysitting costs.  I don't use it other than that and it sits in a savings account.  So stereotyping everyone caring about it isn't true.  Was his idea or I wouldn't have filed and worked it out outside of DR with him directly.  I can support both my son and myself on my own if necessary.
 
Parenting different is understandable and I do not tell give him orders for his time other than give him a medicine, etc.  I just sat with father during appointments with a specialist and listened to him give the doctor completely wrong medical answers and I had to sit there an correct him.
 
And yes, his actions so far speak volumes - he doesn't participate in basically anything.

[gemini3]

I am not defending your ex, and I only know what information you have given on the situation.  I just think that it's important to try and work with the other side.  In your post you said you don't care about CS except.  That proves my point that everyone cares about it in one way or another.  You care, or you wouldn't have brought it up to begin with.  I'm not saying that it's bad that you do.  I'm saying that everyone does in one way or another, which is why you shouldn't villify the other side over CS.
 
The fact that he was in a specialists office with you discussing the child shows that he is participating in something.  He is exercising his visitation, which is something.  Maybe not exactly what you want him to do, but far from being absent as well. 
 
Your original post on Oct 21 said you have a custody trial within a week.  What was the outcome?