Parent Coordinator

[srobarts]

After being denied a PC the last custody hearing,not only being denied that,but  the ex-wife rcvd sole custody, I was denied first right of refusal, a second opinion for my son that has been seeing a psychologist; now going on 3 years, (that she had him going to without my initial knowledge when we had joint custody), and she refuses to allow my parents to pick up our two sons, etc etc....
This last spring I requested a PC again and this time she agreed (by her attorneys pressure.) After things did not go exactly her way, and the custody ordered actually being followed, she is now refusing to participate. So, the PC will not discuss issues with me.
There is a court order for this PC. I have read the order and understand the concept that neither one of us can refuse....so I thought.
Meanwhile, my son(both actually, but will stick with oldest) turned 12 and has bee requesting to live with me ever since divorce. He is now of "legal age" to be heard. He is also now being sent back to said psychologist(who refuses to talk much to me).
What are my rights?
My lawyer is passive and has been paid and with interest so that's not an issue......
Where can I find laws and statutes with legal grounds to take into my lawyer and tell him point blank these are y rights....
To ice the cake...judge is gender biased and has already been stripped of his retirement for giving a mom the kids when she in depth and mediation adn counsil agreed they would be best with dad. Appealed with OSC and won, judge lost...
I'm up against a lot but will not give up my parenting rights. I need basic info to have in hard core writing to throw up against this system.
Any help out there?

[ocean]

If she has sole then you have no rights of say with the Dr. If it is now joint then you do. Do you have any wording in your orders about dr visits or getting school records? Does it say anything about her keeping you informed of appointments?

Just because your son is 12 does not automatic switch custody. It would be a full trial and he may/may not be allowed to talk to the judge. That is one piece. You need to prove why it would be better for son to move to you (change schools? friends? activities?). They also dont like to split kids up so you may not get that just because the judge wants to keep them together...

[MomofTwo]

What state are your orders out of?  Of the few states that previously allowed a child at the age of 12 to have say, some states changed their statutes and no longer allow this.  Her having sole custody means she does not need to have your input regarding decisions for the children, including the doctor.   A change in custody means you have to show a change of circumstance and how this change is in the best interest of the child.  A 12 year old saying he wants to live with you will not be that change.  A change in custody is a huge decision for the courts and one they do not take lightly.  If that is the only reason you have, you would likely not be given custody, especially from her having sole custody.   All facts that led to that determination would definitely be brought up.  Is there any change that would be in the child's best interest?

[Kitty C.]

There's TWO different types of custody:  physical and legal.  Often it is joint for both, but with one parent being primary physical.  You stated that she has sole......physical, legal, or both?  If it's just sole physical and you have joint legal, then all non-emergency decisions must be made jointly by the parents, including all academic and non-emergent medical.  That also means that you have every right to the info.  If you have joint legal, take a copy of your order in to the doctor's office and show them that you are entitled to this information and to confer with them.  Go to the appts. and request to be seen with your son, especially if the BM has done the same.

But if she has sole physical AND legal, you have no rights to decision-making at all.

Your son isn't necessarily of 'legal age' to decide on his own whom he wants to live with.  At that age, he can be heard by the judge and court and his wishes and opinion will be taken into account....but that doesn't mean the judge will act on it.  And you don't necessarily need certain laws or statutes to prove to your atty. what your rights are.  Unfortunately, that can differ widely from state to state.......also, case law is often used (future cases based on the decisions of previous like cases) and that can differ form state to state as well.  Just be assertive and tell your atty. exactly what you want ans what you expect of him.  YOU are paying HIM to provide a service to YOU.........so it sounds like he needs to be reminded that if you are dissatisfied with his brand of service, you will go elsewhere.

[srobarts]

When my ex and I had joint custody(2yrs ago), she had our oldest son start seeing a psychologist. Without my consent. I do not disagree our son would benefit from counseling, however, not this particular one. When I voiced my concerns, I was ignored. Judge ignored the contempt also.

Since then, ex made life a living hell. No matter what I did to get along, she was contradicting, harassing. Well, simply a control freak. Using the kids to be vindictive.
So, the judge granted her sole custody. Extremely biased.Decision made with evidence proving documented lies, recordings etc...
Small town.
2 yrs later our son is of legal age to voice his wishes(OKLA) I understand the concept he has to have sound reasons.
However, she is sending him back  to this same psych. I am telling you and everyone, it isn't for our son, it's for her to manipulate the situation.
I have evidence to use to support my son(and his little brother) wanting to live with me.
My ex  finally agreed to a(after the judge denied last court hearing) PC and now refuses to participate since this situation w/ our son has come up. the PC was the first person to make her follow orders or at least show common sense.
Now, even w orders she refuses.
I asked my attorney, he is passive, but my parents and I are in this over $20,000.
But I know and anyone involved(but the damn judge) knows that something is amiss.
My kids are suffering PAS and I have to sit by and see what will happen.....
I would just like for someone to give me a site or documentation with facts in black in white what my rights are so I can save my kids form being used and my right to be their dad.
As far as rights to records and such, I have them, however, to quote the ex, "I don't have to follow the rules, because I have sole custody and I said so!"

[Kitty C.]

You might want to consider asking for a recusal of the judge, based on his discriminatory rulings.  I would talk to your atty. about this.  Recusals are a tricky deal, but your only other alternative is to appeal.........after the damage is already done.