16 year old daughter wants to get married to break ties with her dad and end ch

[Stats]

Stats

[regina65]

My 16 year old daughter wants to get married . The problem is that i have to sign for her . She has to go to Missouri to do so. In Arkansas from what I have read both parents have to sign.  Her father is verbally and has been in the past physically abusive . She sees him only at holidays  and maybe on the weekend once in a while. He has has always paid child support . He is not a dead beat dad , but he has not contributed anything else to her schooling or all the extra's that go with being a senior in high school . Has never bought her any school clothes or etc. He is suppose to have visitation every other weekend , but they fight the whole he won't let her call me or anyone for that matter . He is very controlling  and always has been .  In our divorce papers it states that we have to meet at the police station in our local town for the visitation. She has moved in with her b/friend as of last week and wasn't planning a marriage until after college . (she graduates high school this year) And her dad acted like he was ok with her moving in with her b/friend until she actually did it, now he is saying he is taking me to court. I have had it with him after 10 years of this I am very tired of his games.  I have cystic fibrosis and am not in the best of health  at age 45. So I want to be rid of his control somehow before i get bad and cant fight anymore and leave her to have to go thru all that alone. What can i do legally to accomplish that such as letting her get married earlier that she had planned. We have joint custody of her ,but I have physical custody . Does that give me enough rights to sign for her with out his consent.

[Kitty C.]

DO NOT LET HER GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!  Because she's wanting to do it for ALL the wrong reasons!  At age 16, many kids have more say-so as to which parent they want to live with and if she doesn't want to go see her father, there's not a whole lot you can do about it.  And if the father has a problem with it, he can take it to court.....but I seriously doubt the court would take any action on it, given the age of the child.
 
I know it is stressful and I understand that your heath problems can be exacerbated by it, but allowing her to get married so young just so that she doesn't have to go see her dad is a recipe for disaster and could very possibly create just as much, if not more, stress than you're already dealing with.  If her father wants to pursue this in court, it's his dime and the easiest way (I know, easier said than done) to deal with it is to just go with the flow and consider the source.  If you can somewhat predict what his reaction will be, you can also plan how you choose to deal with it.
 
If the issue does make it to court, demand that the father pay for ALL atty. fees and court costs (since he was the one who instigated it).  And it is very likely that the court would be willing to listen to the child, given her age.  And if she tells them she won't go, there's not a whole lot they can do about it.  Now, if she were 5-10 years younger, the courts could interpret that as your unwillingness to foster a relationship between her and her father.  But the courts understand that by that age, teens have more say in what happens to them.  So even if her father wanted to hold you in contempt if she didn't go, it's very unlikely the court would uphold it.  Mind you, I'm not an atty., so I would strongly recommend contacting one and asking them what your options are and running these ideas by them.
 
What a lot of people don't realize is that custody orders are only between the parents and ONLY the parents are bound to it.  It may deal with the children, but it doesn't order the children to do anything.  There's even a concept somewhat related that some judges use, called 'ruling with their feet'.  Meaning if a child refuses to stay with a particular parent and ends up back with the other parent of their own free will (and does this often enough to create a pattern), there's hardly a judge who will rule against that, especially since they cannot force or court order the child to stay.

[gemini3]

Personally, I don't blame your ex for being upset.  It sounds like you're supporting her decision to get married at 16, and I don't think it's a good idea.  You seem to have allowed her to move in with her boyfriend, which is not a good idea for any 16 year old.
 
You may call it controlling, but I call it responsible parenting.  My husband would blow a gasket if one of his daughters did something like that, and I wouldn't blame him.
 
I don't know that his going to court is going to help him in any way, but I don't blame him for being upset at all.  Why isn't she living at home with you any more?

[Davy]

I want to add to Gemini in agreement.  I have a dau and 2 sons.  Needless to say, all hell would have broke loose if any of them would have try to pull what you're suggesting.  I'm pretty sure in this state the groom-to-be could be criminally charged statutorlly whereas the punishment is more severe when crossing state lines.  Moreover, your stated involvement may even result in child neglect charges.  Afterall, I think in most states a 16 yo may be considered a minor child.
It would be the state pressing charges.
 
More to the point, my daughter's 16 yo son visited recently.  His mom has been involved in counseling since she was about 16.  He made an unsolicited statement that it did NOT appear his almost 18 yo sister would break the "cycle of dysfunction" ...  grt gma  - gma -  mom.  His mom is 40 and started coming to her senses (I think) when she was about 36 after avoiding a 5 yr. prison term that was partially based on my mercy pleading explaining her life to out-of-state authorities.   
 
Hope this helps !