Meditation gone bad!!!!!!!!!!

[THAFUSE]

Well here's the low down.

Went to meditation yesterday and tried to talk with BM about shared custody. She didn't want any part of that, the current custody is summer, spring, fall breaks with x-mas holiday split. I told her that I wanted to help in the rising of our child since she was station down her and only 45 mintues away vs 4 hrs.

I first offered the one week on and off schedule and she said it was unstable. I then said well I would like 3 day out of the week and she said no. I then dropped it down to 2 nights and she said that she will not agree to any over nights doing the week. I am so sick of her until it's unreal.

She states that she's not trying to keep my son away from me, but she won't let him stay with me over night 2 days out of the week. Now we were order to go to a co-partenting class before mediation and she never showed up for the classes. We go to court on the Dec 9th. The master gave her 45 days to get a lawyer and in mediation she states she does not have one because she can't afford one. she is in the military and pays NO! RENT, LIGHTS,GAS etc. She claimes she has no money and no car all of a sudden.

Now I would like any ideas on how to get the angle on her, I just want a few day out the week overnight to take him to activities I have planned for him. BM want me to stay in her area and take him to activities she has put him in. Well any ideas welcomed.

[mudbunnies]

one thing you could try is file for CUSTODY, using her own claims that she has no car, no money etc... state that since she has no car she is unable to be the primary residential parent since she is not able to foster a continuing relationship and meet you for visits etc...

its a long shot, but might knock her into the shared thing a little easier

make sure when you go for your hearing, have evidence of her pay and her expenses or lack there of if you can, knowing the military.. its hard..or get her on the stand to question her about her expenses...

have a parenting plan ready to show to the judge, go for the max of week on and week off, let the judge see you are trying to share and be flexible... (have alternate 3 nights a week to just in case)

be calm, always say OUR CHILD, you'll do fine... let her refusal to share be its own evidence..

wait a week, then offer shared to her again, that way you have more evidence of your sharing, her not...

keep us posted..

[Indigo Mom]

Interesting.  If she has NO money, how's she supporting the child?  It doesn't take "too" much, if ya do it right, but kids "do" cost moolah every now and then.  

I would suggest getting a GAL.  The one I had made it a POINT to show the Judge that since monster couldn't "afford" a 25 dollar drug test, how on earth is he going to take care of a child.  It worked.....

What's child support in your state based on?

[anastasia]

I thought we were alone in this, but I found out that we aren't.

I have read lots and lots of cases of PAS and still neither the mediators, the courts, the lawyers, nor the psychologist are aware of this syndrome.  Probably they have heard about that but they don't realize how harmful is for a kid that the mother do that to them.  And it is yet more painful for us, since we are not like those mothers.  

In our case, the SF is in the USCG and he has been telling the child that he is her real dad.  This is to the point that she doesn't want to use her legal last name, but her step-f's.  We have talked to the psychologist and she says that this is wrong but she doesn't wan to tell the mother and SF to stop doing that.  The girl doesn't call my husband "daddy", because her mother hastold her that she has three fathers:
1. BIOLOGICAL FATHER - the man that she had sexual relation with.
2. LEGAL FATHER - my husband, just for child support
3. DADDY - her step-father who is the man that is there for her every day.

You, as many other NCP have two choices get used to this crap or begin to make some noise like we are doing, to change the system.  I wrote a letter to Dr. Phills show and I'm of to the congress.  There's a thread here in the VISITATION forum called HELP CHANGE THE CURRENT LAWS.  

Good luck and happy holidays

[StPaulieGirl]

In our case, the SF is in the USCG and he has been telling the child that he is her real dad. This is to the point that she doesn't want to use her legal last name, but her step-f's. We have talked to the psychologist and she says that this is wrong but she doesn't wan to tell the mother and SF to stop doing that. The girl doesn't call my husband "daddy", because her mother hastold her that she has three fathers:
1. BIOLOGICAL FATHER - the man that she had sexual relation with.
2. LEGAL FATHER - my husband, just for child support
3. DADDY - her step-father who is the man that is there for her every day.

[p]Did your husband take a paternity test?  I wouldn't trust that woman as far as I could throw this computer.  She's nuts.  SF isn't much better.

[anastasia]

The girl is 11 years old and her mother began with this joke 2 years ago.

Paternity test is not an issue here, becaue my husband raised her and loves her with all his heart, his soul and his mind.  She is everything for him.  She is the only child in his family side.  At this point, that is not relevant, it's just a mere test that could prove that her mother is a B... because they were married when she was born, just that.

But what happens with the rest of the years that he cared about her.  He ws there when she said her first word, when she gave her first step, he was the one who took her to school the first day, because her mother was studying.  What happen with those bonds already created that are being destry for a sick person?

Paternity test doesn't have anything to do with emotional bonds.

Sorry, but I'm so pissed of with this case, and the court system don't help.

God bless you all and let's gather our voices to make the system work correctly for our kids sake.

[StPaulieGirl]

It must be killing your husband as well as your SD.  Paternity has nothing to do with emotional bonds.  What ever happened to the best interests of the child?  People who adopt are just as attached to their children as if they were their's biologically.  I guess she doesn't realize how lucky she was to have a man who unconditionally loves her child, and is a decent father.  

Don't be sorry.  I'd be pissed off too.  I live in CA, and I'm kind of active in politics.  You can find me on http://www.freerepublic.com

I'm TheSpottedOwl.    Yes I do have a sick sense of humor.  I'm all for people networking to try and change laws and stop injustice.  

God bless you and your family.