update

[gemiluv023]

just thought i would share the joy... bm and dh had one on one counseling today. related to split custody. he had called her this weekend and offered to try to agree on something so that the counselors would know they are trying. we have it on tape. he offered her 9/5 wed. - sun. or thurs. - mon. but she said no. that's too much time.

   well in meeting today, they finally realized how selfish she is. she, of course lied and said she would agree to that. but he reminded them all that we record every conversation. so she had to give it up. any way. they finally have seen how controling she is and how he cannot even speak without her butting in.

    now it's time to focus on PAS toward's 4yr. old. she screamed and hollered at dad when he picked her up fri. she refused to let go of mom. this child, that has known me for 3 yrs. has never done this. she has been recently saying... you are not my step mom b/c mommy said. .. i have 2 daddy's but only one mommy...(bm and bf are not married yet)... and i don't have to come here b/c mommy said i belong to her.

   i explained to our counselor 2 weeks ago all of this. and said and i will quote "she will eventually not even want to be around her dad or me" and then she throws this fit fri. night. it took dh and oldest daugter 63 min. to get her in car.  

  so the drama continues......  any advice?

[mudbunnies]

lots of love.... lots of patience

when you and dad have youngest child, show love, lots of it, try not to argue points made by mom, just reiterate that dad and you love her and your her friend and yes she does belong to mommy, AND DADDY, we get that one a lot....

we also get a lot of this is not my house, mommy's house is my house, after couple months of gentle reminders son now says i have 2 houses, he has his own space and is allowed to be his own person

we have pictures of his mom & her family in his room so that he knows we share, its hard, it hurts, you can only fight back with love and patience and constant gentle reminders...

may you have a peaceful holiday

[StPaulieGirl]

What absolute crap.

All I can say is to be extremely firm.  Be loving, but your family might want to follow some kind of script so you're all on the same page.  Give the child plenty of space, make sure she has activities such as crayons and coloring books.  When she sulks and spits, she can sit in a quiet corner and read and draw.  Everybody needs to be on the same page, otherwise it won't work.  Your SD will see everyone having a life, fun, etc, and will eventually want to participate.  

I hate to say this, but kids with PAS are like feral animals.  You have to patiently lure them in.  Lots of space!

Good luck, and take care :)