New Young Father Needs Help and Advice!!!

[Tcballer]

    I am Senior in College and I dated a girl for about seven months. Since I was a Junior and she was a Freshman I didnt want any children yet. She lied about being on birth control and told me she was pregnant when she was 24 weeks along (about two months after we had broke up). My ex wanted me to give her money for an abortion. I told her that I wouldnt and that she should give birth and either keep the baby or let me have it either way I would be supportive. She continued to drink heavily, not attend doctors appointments and not take any vitamins.                                                                                                 After the baby was born it stopped breathing three times and had to be recessitated. She decided that she wanted the baby and wouldnt let me have her. We agreed that we didnt want to go through a court battle and would work visitation and everthing out between us. Now that my baby is a month old she wont let me see her, wont e-mail me any more pictures and has pretty much cut all ties between me and my baby. I love my daughter and want as much as a relationship with her as much as possible but my ex keeps telling me I have no rights to her since in the state of Georgia fathers that have a baby out of weddlock have no rights until it is taken to court.
     I am leaving for spring training for baseball since I just got drafted so I know I cant fight for sole custody since I dont have enought time to give to a new born. I dont think however that my ex is fully capable of taking care of my baby because of her mental state the last few months eventhough she is going through therapy. I also dont think that my ex is being completely honest about my babys medical problems. I am going to get an attorney but this all confuses me. I dont know where to start and I hope someone can shed light on what kind of visitation and rights I should be asking for. Thank you and please help

[gipsy]

I am done and My situation was  similar , Here's how it went in wash state ,
  So what will happen is simple , But not easy ,
   You will file a motion for paternity and genetic  testing to have the court recognise you as the father , And you and mom and baby will take genetic testing ,
 Then you will ask for visits , And if she is  still being difficult She will come up with some reason to keep you from the baby ,
   And then there will be a Guardian Ad Litem appointed or Parenting investigater , And they will report as to what the proof is , You will set a court date and appear ,
  My GaL Investigation and report  IN SHORT ! Said   ' Mr Is has taken Gentic testing and is confirmed as the  Father , Moms allegations don't prove Out and there is no witness to her Allegations , so Mr X should see the child , And it should start with supervised visits ,
  The problem with supervised visits is it seems to be like I was treated like a criminal , But this Worked in My favor , And The supervisor reported that mom was uncooperative , SOOOO
    you will end up with a parenting plan and a child support order ,
  It;s just a matter of how hard and long she wants to fight , And in My case the mother ws rotten about it !
  My case was the same out of wedlock ,And similar in the mother is a rotten b@$@#@ , But she seemed to pas thriough the court Ok , And don't be surprised if your's does to , And remmeber  she has status quo , And that means you have to prove  you are the better parent , And or that she really is a wacko ,
 Other than that what I recomend is you get this rolling , then just get some sort of visitaion set up in the temp orders , And let it be for a whil;e , then when  the child gets older , Mine was 18 months I got over nights , Then a standard visitation / parenting plan / child support order ,

  unless she can proved you to be a criminal or child molestor , you will do just fine by keeping your side of this clean , As In get on with life and do the child right by just loving and caring for the child , Feeding clothing , toys at your house , Bed /crib etc ,

[wendl]

You need to establish paternity (dna) thru the courts, set up visitaiton plan and will have to pay child support.

GO and take an infant CPR class and read up.

Unfornuatley, she is right,  you basically are at her mercy until paternity and a parenting plan (visitation) is set up thru the courts.

Ask for the stars and settle where you feel comfortable.

Good luck.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Tcballer]

Thank you and I really appreciate the advice and your story. I am 22 and very new at this whole thing. I want to see my daughter but I just cant go to another state all of the time and so its hard being away and not knowing how she is doing or getting any photos to see how she is changing. I got drafted for baseball and that will take up about six months out of my year that I will be even farther away. I would love to be able to have her for a little while during this time and my fiance has alot of baby experience and could watch her during my games and of course I would take care of her before and after. I cant stand to think that when I leave for spring training I may not hear anything or be able to see her at all for six months. This is my first child and I never thought my ex would turn out to be this cruel and hurtful.    

[Tcballer]

I contacted an attorney and he said the same thing that the first thing to do is establish paternity. So that is my first step, but I really cant afford to pay countless attorney fees if she wants to drag this out. I can afford this if she would agree to terms but I dont think that will happen. Where do i go if she wont go to reasonable terms which I think is what will happen.

[futureuselesseater]

Why can't you live closer to the mother?  If I was you I'd move as near as possible.  This will help your situation by showing the mother you want to be involved and know your child.  It gives you a chance to work things out with the mom where you and her can coparent and get along for the sake of your child.

Yes, you can go to court, etc.. and I feel you should but things can improve by not spending money on court fees if you would help them improve by moving close to your child.

[wendl]

From his post, he cannot live close as he was drafted and has to go to spring training (this is his job) and it doesn't happen to everyone. Congrats on the draft.

It will probably be a long process, once you have a temp parenting plan you can work on more from their, key is get paternity establish and a temp parenting plan in place.

(I did my parenting plan without an attorney, my ex had one, but he really didn't care so my case was pretty easy)  

Read up on the laws in your state and get familier with the family law system, this will help you understand things. Do not bash mom, do not interupt the judge/commissioner.

Usually the judge/commissioner will put some kind of parenting plan in place even if the parents can't quite agree on everything until things can be resolved.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Tcballer]

I cant move closer to her. I just got drafted for baseball and that is taking me further away from my baby. It is a once in a lifetime opprotunity. I have my foot in the door to make it to the major leagues and if I do I can give my daughter everything I never had. I would love to live closer to her, or have her live with me but I am stuck in a hard place.

[Lil527]

Being in Georgia changes everything. Georgia and Alabama are the only two states left that are completely backwards. They call it the good ole' boys law. I'm curious to know what county you and your ex are in. My husband and I just moved from Georgia to Louisiana. His ex filed a pet for mod of custody in her county. Even tho our county retained jurisdiction, and even tho we have a lawyer in our old county,  we now have to find a lawyer in her county to fight the bull, just because she doesn't want to drive for visitation, and b/c she lives on the other side of the state from where we lived. Fight, fight, fight. The laws are changing everyday in Georgia to give father's more rights. I'll help any way I can.