Father's threat

[Kitty C.]

eom

[better2morrow]

1. He moved, since then, we've always had long distance.

2. The past years, I didn't have any problem having him, until his new wife came along, he's been very difficult.

3. There's no mention for payment in transportation, but I've been paying my son round trip ticket, and never once have I complained, as long as I had my son on my scheduled time, that's really what I cared about.

4. It was a fighting battle getting my son on Mother's Day, but I did have him and I did pay for it. He originally refused because he wanted to honor that day for his new wife... ridiculous I know.

5. It's on our Court Order that I have him 6pm the day the end of the school, until the Sunday before the School starts.

I think he is is violating because it's my scheduled time that both of us initialed, agreed and settled on.

[better2morrow]

Just spoke to my ex. Even offered to give in and just pay for the Father's Day weekend, he still refuses. Now he's threatening not to give my son at all. I did what I can do be accomodating, and he's saying that I'm unreasonable. I advise  him about the Final Judgement and what he & I initialed and agreed, even begged him to talk to his attorney, he just continued to scoff and taunted me to take him to court that he claims I will be paying his fees as well as mine.

[Kitty C.]

...........but it's not up to him whether he gets it or not.  It's ONLY up to the court.  He can ASK, but it's also possible that they may order him to pay YOUR fees.  Anything is possible.  If you do have to take him back to court on this (and it is sounding like you have to), make sure you ask for fees AND reimbursement of the costs associated with the transportation that you paid for and he failed to utilize.  That also includes any additional fees and penalties you might have to pay for any changes the airline may have charged you if you had to make any changes to the flight schedule.

The scoffing and taunting is just a ploy to get you to back down.  It's called 'intimidation'.  If you see it for what it really is, it can get easier to deal with.  But YOU have the power of the court order on your side.  Use it to your advantage.

[better2morrow]

Can I just go grab my son and take him? Since it is my right?

[Giggles]

BUT you COULD very well drive there, go to the local police station with your COURT ORDER have them follow you to his residence and pick up your son.

The only thing is if you do this then you cannot charge him with contempt or get reimbursed for the air fair.

I would however still get a clarification.  If he moved, did you allow that move?

[knoot7]

Actually dependant on the state... law enforcement will not get involved. NY - you are SOL. They will go with you they will try but parental interference is just fine. Couldn't even file with the local enforcement on Parental interference OR contempt. Officer simply stated he coulnd't do much but file a report to document what transpired. However, he could NOT force BM to provide SS back to his father despite the CO in hand (and the CO had been this way for 13 years)! DH had to file with Family court and that was it. You may want to look into/call the local police of that town to find out more. We did.

My DH went to BM's house to pick son up on his court ordered time (mind you he had 50/50 Physical and Legal custody)... law officer wouldn't/couldn't enforce family court issues. Additionally, when he went to the judge to file contempt and parental interference..the judge looked at him and said well you only have one more day this week so what is the big deal!?

The next day DH went again (with law enforcement) and a new release order from the judge to releasae SS......SS came home with DH THIS time. BUT there is no guarantee...and BM could do as she wished.

[MixedBag]

Grab???

and what did you do?

[smcollins3]

"4. It was a fighting battle getting my son on Mother's Day,
but I did have him and I did pay for it. He originally refused
because he wanted to honor that day for his new wife...
ridiculous I know."

You might want to remind your ex that stepmothers day is the Sunday after Mother's day. This was done to accommadate the fact that stepmom's care about stepkids. (not saying all do, but I am a SM and I care, however I would never keep SD from bm on Mother's day)

[mitcheli]

I've had to deal with these types of psychological mind games myself. Because I didn't provide the full and proper itinerary, per my ex-wife's desire, she threatened to prevent me from picking up my children. In that incident, a call to the police was in order. Here's what I learned while dealing with issues like this.

Tentatively agree until you have your kids with you, then "Possession is 9/10's of the Law". Once your child is safe at your place, let your ex know you have no desire to pay and you await him to provide the appropriate tickets. Don't put it in writing, call on the phone. When addressing your desire not to pay, mention your support payments, lack of legal justification to make you pay, etc.

Now the other parent has two choices. 1) Buy the ticket at a premium to see their child. 2) Call the police. If the later, then calmly explain you have no desire to keep your child past the date and time in which they are supposed to return and that as long as the custodial parent provides a means of transportation, you will do nothing to interfere with your child taking that transportation. Ask the police to provide a copy of the court order mandating you provide transportation expenses, and absent one, kindly ask them to tell the custodial parent to provide transportation.

After the ordeal, expect a trip back to court. File first, because you know it'll be coming. Get a motion to Modify that clearly defines who is responsible for travel in your court order. (Research your State Law to know what to expect.)

Probably not the best approach at avoiding confrontation, but it will make sure you see your child and will shift the power back into your hands.

Good luck.
Ian.