I need to know what you all think of this. I'll start with a some back ground.
My DD has Cerebral Palsy, I spent the 1st 14 years of her life working with her, working with Dr's and therapist. DD has had multiple surgeries which have required me to take long periods of time off work unpaid. Since the day DD was diagnosed BF has denied anything is wrong with her. I have tried to keep him informed and everything I said went in one ear and out the other. He and his wife have spent the last 12 years telling DD that her disability is either not that bad or non existent. BF and SM never made her wear her braces or do stretches, always told her that I was just being negative trying to hold her back.
Well a couple of years ago I started making inquiries about her ability to drive and what we will have to do when the time comes that she wants to be licensed. In Tx you can get your license at 16. Well BF has been giving me a really hard time and we have had words on several occasions because I have told DD that she will not get a car from me when she turns 16. I can not afford to get her a car and I did not provide a car to my oldest so I would not be able to get her one either. I found out that DD would need to be evaluated to determine her abilities in operating a vehicle, I found out that she would probably need to take a special driving course and need modifications. All of this including the expense was discussed with BF and SM. BF and SM said they couldn't afford to help with the cost. I told DD that I could not afford to pay for it and that she may have to wait until she was 18 so that we could request assistance from the Texas Rehabilitation Commission. My daughter has been very upset that she would have to wait and of course BF and SM fueled her anger by telling her that she didn't need all of that special stuff. They told her that she could be parent taught to drive with no modifications. When DD was around 12, BF and SM adopted two teens, a girl 16 and a boy 4 mo older then DD. DD also has another teen sister at BF home. (SM DD from 1st marriage)
So, while all this discussion has been going on over the last couple of years, the two older sisters at BF's house have gotten their license and their own car at 16. Older brother started getting to drive (practice) when he was around 13 or 14. I told BF that I did not want him or anyone else trying to teach DD how to drive normally because she is going to require the special training and I did not want her to get confused with different instruction.
I believe the driving thing was a big decision maker for DD when she went to live with BF and SM last May. They told her that if she lived with them she could be parent taught to drive and she would get her own car when she turned 16. By parent teaching her they told her that she wouldn't need any modifications and she would not have to take a driving test with a DPS officer, no-one but her BF who says there is nothing wrong with her would ever know how she could or couldn't handle the vehicle.
When we were going through the custody changes last year I told my attorney I was very concerned about the driving thing and I wanted something in the papers about her being tested by someone other then her BF. My attorney said that he felt it would just add fuel to the fire and he suggested that I contact DD Dr and ask him to submit a letter to the Dept of Transportation stating she has a disability and he recommends that she is tested. That way it would be noted with the state.
I contacted Dr and explained what was going on, he had DD come in 6 mo early for her check up so that he could (just happen) to bring up the driving thing and take care of it. I have never missed an appointment with my daughter and I told BF that although I wanted to go to this appointment, He had to be the one to take her since she lives with him now. BF said he would take her and that i didn't need to be there. If I went he would not and he needed to take some responsibility so I didn't go. Well, as it turns out BF didn't go either. He sent DD with SM, and Dr was ticked. DD condition has worsened since she has been with BF and SM because they don't make her wear her brace or stretch. Dr wants to start treatment to try and correct the problem but couldn't cause SM can't sign for treatment. The appointment had to be rescheduled so that BF would take her. While SM had DD at the appointment, she said that she had been SM for 12 years, and told the Dr that BF was going to parent teach DD to drive. The Dr put a stop to that real quick. He explained that with DD's disability she may not be able to drive and that if they are determined to get her licensed now then she needed to be evaluated first. Then after hearing why DD needed the additional treatment because of DD not wearing her brace and hearing from the Dr that DD would have special driving needs SM says to the Dr. "we have only been weekend parents we had no idea" NO IDEA!!! you have seen this child in a wheel chair on multiple occasions, I have kept them informed of her progress even though they didn't want to be, they both argued about the fact that she had special needs, then she is going to tell the Dr. they had no idea? Grrrrrrrrr!!!
I know this is really long and I apologize.
DD and I had a good relationship before last April when all this stuff hit the fan. DD referred to time alone with me as good one on one in January then in May said she was scared to be alone with me because I act like the perfect mother in front of other people, but I am really mean to her when we are alone. ??? There was a dramatic change in the way she acted toward me, saying she was scared of me, she wouldn't let me touch her, no hugs or anything. I did not get any regular visitation in the custody change, only standard holidays. During the few visits I have had over the past 10 mo DD would spend most of the time in her room with the door closed, she wouldn't spend any time with me or anyone else in the house. We rarely spoke on the phone and when we did it was brief and full of lies. (on her part) So this is the way the relationship has been for the past 10 months.
SM took DD for her driving evaluation on 2/14 (no BF didn't go). DD was upset after the appointment because they said they didn't know if she would be able to drive. They tried several modifications and DD wasn't able to use any of them very well. (BF says she FAILED the evaluation)
First of all, I would like to say that is why I was so concerned about her being parent taught. She is as disabled as I have said and even the professionals say she needs modifications and special training, and even that may not be enough.
Okay... so here is my dilemma.. On 2/16 I got a bill from SM for 50% of the evaluation. 3 days later I get a call from DD saying that she wants to come over and spend the night. SM was going to take her to a friends school program near me and DD wanted me to pick her up. I agreed then DD called back and said SM changed her mind and said she didn't want to take DD to the program. I picked DD up and took her to the program then she spent the night. We had a great time together (just like old times) and I even got a hug and a kiss before she went to bed.
WOW... what a change!! but this is good right?
Well DD calls last weekend and ask if she could come spend the weekend this weekend. OMG again!! not only does she want to come over, she plans to spend the whole weekend!
I sent a letter to BF and told him that driving is not medically necessary and that I would not be responsible for 50% of the evaluation, training, or modifications. BF called me after SM got the letter and said I would pay it and that he is talking me back to court to enforce the order and while we are there is going to have the child support increased as well.
BF and SM had lied to DD and themselves when they thought they could get her licensed and it wasn't going to cost them a dime because I was making all that stuff up. Now they and DD know that I was telling the truth and in fact it may be worse then even I thought. BF and SM are trying to claim this is a medical expense so that they can force me to pay for something I said I couldn't pay for when she lived with me.
DD called right after BF and we were talking about her coming over, I asked if she knew about the letter and she said yes. DD said that she was glad that she and I were getting our relationship back and she didn't want anything to mess that up again. She said that she told BF and SM the same thing and that she didn't want to be in the middle. I said ok. The only thing I have said about it since was to tell her that if she wants to know why I am doing anything they say I'm doing, that I want her to know she can ask me. I told her that I just don't want her to assume what ever they tell her is fact. She said ok.
DD came over this weekend and although it wasn't as long as it had been planned we had a nice time. DD is planning to come over two weekends from now for the weekend too. As I have with all her Dr. appointments I asked if she wanted me to go to the appointment that is scheduled next week. She said she didn't care just like she always does, but then she doesn't want me to know what time the appointment is or anything. (I want it to be something she wants!) Well after I took her home last night, she called and said thanks for letting her come over, she had a good time. I said me too. Then DD said you can come to the Dr if you want too, the appointment is at 12:30. Before hanging up, she said I will see you there.
Question? Did DD find out that BF and SM have been lying to her all this time and I have in fact been telling her the truth so now she feels bad about what she has done and truly wants to rebuild our relationship?
or
Is she manipulating me? for what purpose? maybe she thinks she can get me to pay for it? I can't.. If they can get all their other children cars and licenses, then they can do that for her at their own expense.
I don' t know if I trust her after everything that has happened. She has been hugging on me, she laid in my lap and watched a movie, All very nice, close, bonding stuff.. but why all of the sudden? This change has been as quick as the first. I don't know if I should be on guard or be glad that this is happening.
What do you all think?
Topic: PAS (Read 884 times)