Hi I'm new here and need help!!!i

[Kali]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum for the help I need but *sigh* as much as I hate to admit it I suppose I'm a NCM

Here's my sorrid story!!!


Let me explain our situation a bit we split up when she was 6 months old I had no money (no thanks to him since all mine went to her care and his to computers and toys) we were living with his parents at the time so it was me that had to leave. I had no place to go but my mother's dirty house, with a drug addicted brother and a pretty unstable manic depressive mother. NO place for a child, yet I had no money to even get started in a place and go on welfare yes to poor for welfare go figure huh?

So we had an order drafted (it was my understanding until I got on my feet, I later found out otherwise) the order stated she was with him M-F and me Fri eve - Mon morning. No child support exchanged and he was to provide medical care. All was going okay and I was getting on my feet. About a year later I told him that I was ready to start taking her more (I knew it'd be best to transition) he denied me this and told me to get a lawyer and take him to court I did.

*rewind a bit* during this time is when I was in a horrid car accident happened so I was a mess physically. When we had our court dates FINALLY about 6-10 months after filing I can't remember exactly when I had my surgery which was supposed to help me. I almost died I was on continous morphine, when I got out of the hospital I was pretty messed up physically again and on pain meds ect... Even before this my lawyer knew I wouldn't win but I'd get more than I had at the time. We settled out of court. To what we've been doing now. Well I never finished paying my attorney in light of everything going on I couldn't I wasn't even working because of all the medical issues ect... it was horrible! Well apparantly the order never got filed or seen by a judge. THIS makes what's going on even worse.

This is our schedule:

School Year

Mon. with mom for 2 1/2 hours with dad to go to bed basically (in school or after care the rest of the time)
Tues. with mom for the entire evening goes to bed at moms
Wed. With dad entire evening goes to bed at dads
Thurs. with dad entire evening goes to bed at dads
Fri. alternates
Sat. alternates
Sun. alternates but goes to bed at dad's

Summer

M-W sleeps at mom's w/ mom except during daycare all the time.

Thurs. with mom all day part of evening after daycare goes to dad's and spends the night
Fri. alternates
Sat. alternates
Sun. alternates but goes to bed at mom


Now he's taking me to court for CS.  He makes $55K a year I make under $25K he has TWO incomes I have one.

On the papers for CS he filed with the court they SORT of confirm that the second order happened even if it isn't filed but it only states the parenting time arrangement we go buy (I'm thinking THIS can help me.) The ex is now denying he has a copy of all of this when all these years he's been throwing it in my face. I don't have a copy I don't know how it happened but I don't have one. He does, and his lawyer does and I need to find out how to get it suppeoned into court so the judge can see his games he's playing. In there it says child support is reserved.

He's following the second agreement ONLY on the parenting time and the rest he's quoting the original order which TOTALLY screws me.  Basically whatever suits him he's following.

That being said we do have joint legal joint physical custody, and the papers he filed confirms this too.

Now he claims he's taken 2 pay cuts I know this to be true because it's all over the news when it happens as the company he works for is a major company. So he told me Friday night he was making $55K a year I'm under 25k a year less than 1/2 of what he makes PLUS he has a 2 income home. He's buying a new house, a new truck is in the plans for the next year or so, he spends 1,000's on Christmas yes last year he spent at least $1,000 on one child. He spent $5,000.00 on fiancee's engagement ring. He only pays $30/week in daycare (mind you mine will cost about $125/week for summer care) and he wants CS???

Nevermind I'm the one paying for Girl Scouts and DOING girl scouts with her, I pay for cathecism and all that's involved in that among other misc things and all costs involved when she is in my care, I help buy school clothes and other necessities.  And he still says I don't help enough finiacially.  He wants this for a new house and a new truck not for dd.

He actually told me I'm responsible for a portion of her care while she's with him and ALL the care while she's with me. I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is an coniving SOB that deserves to rot in the pits of he!!

I told him that when dd asks me why she has to give up all her toys and move to Grandma's into a very tiny room and share with her mother where there is only room for our clothes and we'll have to co-sleep again on a very lumpy pull-out couch that I will tell her that her father can answer that question. To which he replied he'll tell her that her mother doesn't have any money.  It seems unfair that I have to give up everything I've worked so hard for to provide for her while he has a place up north to vacation on the lake, brand new vehicles a brand new house, 3 pets, new furniture ect... all I have is the knowledge that I'm FINALLY able to function partly finacially on my own and provide a roof over my daughters head, and her own room, food on the table, and clothes on her back and that's a STRUGGLE alone.  Now he's taking all of that away and if he gets this support he claims he needs then she suffers because I can't provide her own room all her toys will have to go and I won't be able to pay for daycare in the summer which means I have to give up my parenting time.  How does that seem fair?

Can he get away with this?

[olanna]

Are you getting reasonable visitation?  I really wouldn't expect that your ex would just hand her over to you.  You can't expect that really, now can you?  I would follow his request and go to court and make everything legal. Start slow.

And another thing...you should be supporting your child. Guideline child support is what most of us pay, regardless of which parent makes the most money.

So, what is it that you want out of all of this?

[Sherry1]

sound unfair you need to change your mindset that it is only his salary and your salary that will be taken into consideration.  Daycare and CS will be split evenly based upon the incomes.  You will probably have to pay for a portion of daycare and he will also.

[ksmomof2girls]

Since you said you have joint legal and physical custody, and pretty much 50/50 parenting time, I would assume that he would have to pay you c.s.  I could be wrong.  It all depends on the state you live in.

Also, it is anywhere stated that he is the primary residence for your dd?

If not, then I could be correct.  Just need to know what state you are in.

[Kali]

We are in Michigan specifically Wayne county.  I just called them today and they have no record of our case or anything.  HOW can they loose a whole file and case?????

[Kali]

I'm sorry if I take this wrong as I feel defensive as it is but you seem condensending in your first paragraph.  I apologize if I'm wrong.

I don't get visitation we have JOINT legal and physical custody.  He happens to have her a bit more than I do.  

However he is only paying $30/week for daycare in my care I pay $125/week for daycare as I need fulltime care and he only needs part time care because of school.  If you mulitply the weeks he pays then divide it by 12 and multiply the weeks I pay and divide it by 12 I'M the one paying more.  I also help buy her school clothes AND I pay for scouts and catechism among TONS of other things, for example she had a science fair project to do this weekend I spent $50 on I asked him for ONE product he had at his house to complete the project he forgot it then refused to help pay for any of the project.  I'm not sure why he says I don't support her I do and have the documentation to back it up.  He wants all this to continue PLUS get support.  I DON'T think so.  If that's what he wants he can pay half of all the costs I pay.  I mean isn't that how it works in joint situations?   So I DO support my child I'm sorry you didn't get that impression.  I don't think he should do all the supporting just because he makes more but I have a roof to put over our heads too, not just him, he's the one buying a brand new house, he's the one buying a brand new truck.  While I struggle and still do my share of supporting.  I'm not responsible to help pay his bills now am I?

At any rate if he wins this (and he's only doing this to be vindictive NOT for our daughter) then dd looses because I will have to work a 2nd job which means I can't be a Girl Scout leader for her troop NOR participate in the activities, I CAN'T take her to catechism which she LOVES.  AND I'll have to move again which she really doesn't want into my mothers home and we'll have to share a bedroom again I just got onto my feet finicially enough to support the two of us.  If I don't get the 2nd job I'll have to give up my full parenting time in the summer because I won't be able to afford daycare.  Shouldn't he be responsible for 1/2 of summer care too then?  I mean how unfair that I should have to pay him and him not me for the care of our daughter.

[Kali]

I realize only his income matters but he still makes over double what I make.  I included the fiancee's salary in my post mostly as a vent because he has 1/2 the household bills I do.  Their arrangement is she pays ALL the bills he pays the mortgage.  Here in my apartment I pay EVERYTHING on my own so it kind of sucks ya know?  Just a vent really I know I can't bring that up in court.

Also do you think the judge will take into consideration the fact that he has less household bills?

[wendl]

Kali,

I am a cp mom who rarely gets cs. In my state they base the income on both parents and then the parent with the higher income gets the higher cs, so basically since I made 3x what my ex did he was ordered to pay $160 a month which I don't see. He has no bills as he lives with his sister and her family, it sucks.

We do what we have to do in order to survive, its hard.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[olanna]

You say he has two incomes and they total $50K.  Is he working two jobs?

[Troubledmom]

Here is child support claculator for your state. It should give you an idea of what the support award is going to be.

http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/michigan/

Unfortunatly the child support laws are different among different states. In my state (California) they take into consideration the amount of time the child spends between the two homes, it uses both parents incomes to determine support orders, and in some cases it can use the new spouses income.

Generally monies spent on a child before a child support award is made are considered gifts.

DO NOT get a second job. If you get a second job and spend less time with your child you will most likely be drug back to court to pay MORE child support as your income has greatly increased and the time share with the child has decreased (fair~ NOPE but happens everyday to Non Custodial Parents~ most often fathers).

Good Luck with this, it is going to be a long battle.

TM