Wow it's been awhile since I've posted. I miss you guys!
I am NCM. I live in a NE child lives in AZ. She is 9. My situation sounds very similar to ksmom's. Ex is married to ex best friend. My ex works and SM stays home with their kid, her kid from prev relationship and my daughter. He has had custody for 4 years now. I get everyother xmas and spring break and 6wks in summer. Ex and I dont get a long and he leaves me to deal with SM. Even when I have refused to deal with her, I still end up having to deal with her.
She's mentally alienating my child and dad doesnt care.
These are some things she has admittingly told our daughter:
1. Your mom is the one that doesnt want to be friends with me. I have no problem with her.
2. Your mom is always yelling at me and your dad, that's why we dont want to talk to her.
3. You cant go into your bedroom and talk to your mom because she likes to make you cry.
4. Your mom doesnt care about you or she would live in AZ.
5. You dont want to get fat like your mom do you?
6. I dont agree with the way your mom's family is, but if you want to be around those kind of people thats your choice.
7. If your mom really wanted to see you, she would come here to visit you.
8. Your mom always blames me for you not wanting to talk on the phone.
I could go on. The problem is that my daughter is really buying into this crap! So I look like the mean parent. I cant have a conversation without her asking me questions like: why I dont like her SM, why do I always yell at her SM and dad and why I always blame everything on her SM. Then I spend our whole conversation trying to defend myself. I have told her that grownup things are none of her concern and that she will understand more when she is older. Then she gets loud and rude with me demanding that I answer her question or she wont speak to me at all.
I have tried to get her father to intervene, that's a joke. He actually told me "I cant help it if our daughter doesnt like you. What am I supposed to do about it?"
In addition, she wont recognize my family anymore. She thinks they are all bad. I have a sister, aunt and grandfather that live there. She is not allowed to speak to them on the phone or see them in person. Other family tries to call they wont answer. They use the excuse that they are not home, but they have admitted they have caller ID. She wont except gifts from me or my family either. She was here for xmas and didnt want to take home any of her gifts.
In the past when I have sent her things; instead of encouraging her to be greatful and show gratitude, they encourage her that if she doesnt want it she can throw it away. It almost seems like shes proud to tell us when she throws things away. So it has gotten to the point that no one sends her anything. Then we are all bad people for not sending her anything.
On her birthday this last Nov, I talked to her dad and said "Since her b-day falls on a day that is not our normal phone call day, I wanted to arrange a time that is convenient for you so I can at least wish her a Happy B-day." He told me a time that would be ok. Then about 30 mins before I was going to call I get a phone call from my daughter. "I was just calling so you could say Happy B-day and get it over with." Then SM gets on the phone "I had her call you because we are leaving earlier than I thought." I was crushed. My daughter now thinks she had to call me on her b-day! SM did that on purpose!!!!! Then I look like I am being ungreatful because SM is trying her best to keep an open line and I just dont appreciate it. Yeah right! We know that wasnt her motive.
She has also told my daughter she wanted to adopt her and called me at work to ask me if I would give up rights!!! Then my daughter tried talking me into it!!! 4 words: OVER MY DEAD BODY!!
I consider this abuse. My child actually watches her carbs because she doesnt want to get fat like me. So now we have to worry about her getting an eating disorder too.
I have talked to BF about putting her in couseling. He refuses. Says it cost too much. I say ins is supposed to cover some cost and the extra cost is split between us. Our child's mental health is worth any cost. He says a counselor told him that she doesnt have any problems but couldnt tell me what the name of the counselor was or when she saw him.
What am I going to do? I cant afford an attorney. The case is jurisdicted in AZ. My husband and I have talked about moving there when I get my degree in about 3 years, but until then it's not possible. BTW... When we separated I had her here with me. I am stupid and trusted him, so I sent her to visit with nothing in writing and once he had her back in AZ they ordered that I couldnt take her out of the state again. It just went from there and he got custody. I love my kid. I understand the distance makes it hard, but I was a child of the same situation. My mom lived AZ my dad NE. MY WHOLE LIFE. They never did this to me. Oh yeah she acts like an angel when she is here. But she is always concerned with missing a phone call from them. We will actually stop what we are doing and let her use the cell phone to call, otherwise she worries the whole time.
Any suggestion??? Please help!!x(
Topic: How do I handle my ex and his wf alienating our daughter? (Read 1521 times)