Comments

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

I have no control over when my daughter asks her dad to do things in that house.  Maybe because it's an every Sunday night occurance? I know that I always have plenty of notice for events that she wishes to attend while with me.

I live in town. I have to be to work at 11 at night. He lives on the outside of town, on a road that is not maintained. I'm sorry, but making me the heavy on whether or not she gets to go to a dance because he wants to be an idiot is not a game I'm going to play.

Yes, she went and yes, I picked her up. And yes, I was almost late for work. And yes, he was too dayum lazy to get up and acknowledge her arrival home or wish her goodnite.

[catherine]

so he was playing a manipulation game with you.  I'd manipulate him right on back.  "Sure, I'll drive you there, if your Dad picks you up!"

[FLMom]

You SOOOO got played.

Let me tell you about my New Year's Eve this past year.

OD wanted to spend the afternoon and early evening at her boyfriend's house, which is near my ex's home--about a 40 minute drive away. Plans originally were that ex would come by and pick up YD and DS, but due to my flu bug the "nightlife" was out. I talked to him and told him that I would keep the younger two, since he was just going to drop them off at 7 am on New Years Day anyhow--he had plans that day.

JUST finished a wonderful meal in a nice resteraunt with my DH and the two younger ones. My cell phone rings--it's about 11pm. Seems that now that my ex is off the hook with the two younger ones, he took his wife out. OD calls his cell, and he says he'll go get her---until stepmom has a fit. He then tells her "call your mother". MY husband didn't hesitate--"Let's go get her."

I spent the stroke of midnight on the way back from the boondocks.

Yes, daughter know she can depend on us. But she used us because she hadn't worked out all the arrangements with ex and knew I'd do what I had to do to make sure she got home.

Ex wormed his way out of his responsibilities, even though he's the CP and the boyfriend's house is around the corner from his house.

What did I learn? Next time I'll leave my cell at home and take a bunch of DayQuil and go out dancing anyway.

You have to let yourself be walked on. I would go to the ends of the earth for my daughter, but her father should also. Next time when she pulls the last minute plans on her father's time it'll be her father's responsibility to live up to her irresponsibility.

FLMom

[Sunshine1]

Did you send the letter? His reaction?  

I usually don't ask BF for anything unless he is my last resort because he lives 30 min away.  Now with his new wife, I re-arrange things so I don't have to ask at all.  She freaks out if I ask him for anything.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

No, I haven't yet. I was waiting for a response from Soc.

Another perfect example, tonite my girl wanted to come work on a health project that we've been working on for several weeks. WOW, surprise, he agreed to drop her off on the way to my son's boyscout meeting up the street. But...he refused to pick her up on their way home.  LOL

[MixedBag]

go check it out.

[NoNicky]

Everyone handles these things differently.  My kids know my schedule and if I'm not going to be available I make sure they know it.  

However, when dad didn't want to get her to school early for mandatory band practices I got up even earlier, drove to his house, got her and took her in.  When dad leaves her high and dry because "he got busy", I go get her.  I told her that when her father and I were together she could always count on me then and things have not changed.  I may not like the ex weaseling out of things but I have also seen the heartbreak the child went through when she made quiz team but he wouldn't let her participate because it "wasn't a good night for him" and he told her she could not let me transport her even though I volunteered and a teacher did as well.  That strategy is beginning to pay off in ways that can't be measured by the gas or time I have spent.  My daughter knows who will deal with her upfront and who will go out of their way for her.  It isn't him.  She knows my dh and I love her enough to suspend our activities temporarily if possible to make sure she is taken care of.  One day I figure she'll do like her older brother did.  Move in with me and tell him if he doesn't let me have custody she'll go to the judge personally with the difference in care they receive.  

Don't get me wrong, he's not all bad and he does have some good points.  He is a stricter disciplinarian and while I don't always agree I also know what he is doing is not hurting them in the long run and is not physical.  He lives by a calendar and if he hasn't got you scheduled then you don't get his time (that includes his 2nd wife and kids).  My kids are better organized than I am for having lived with him.  I put really important stuff on my cell phone reminder and other than that I take it as it comes.  I can't schedule thiings like time with my dh or kids.  I want that to be natural.  But, neither way is wrong, just different.  When the GAL evaluated our homes and I read the report I had to laugh because at one point she quoted me directly without saying so.  She said "both homes are equally fit, the parties have markedly different personalities and therefor markedly different parenting styles, neither is better than the other, just different in approach."


NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

Daughter says:
i am scared to ask dad if i can go to the dance..

Daughter says:
i will try to wait until step-mom is not around mwahah

Daughter says:
i think i will just ask now neways .. ughhh wish me luck brb

Terri says:
if i do go like if they dont cancel it will you give me a ride home?

I say:
tonite?

Daughter says:
yeah

I say:
won't they?

Daughter says:
i dont know.. he said he would take me..... but i dont know about picking me up.. (he said it depends on the weeeeeeeeeeatttthhher

I say:
oh good gawd, he has 4w drive

Daughter says:
he said you have to share a little too

Am I a fruitcake?
(NOTE: This convo copy and pasted with names omitted.)

[MixedBag]

to show your daughter you're there for her no matter what.

In this case, no matter how -- ummm--- the other parent is.

If it's not your weekend, I really don't get the answer she got.

And if I remember correctly, you live close enough to step up to the plate and be there for her.  She'll remember that.

Or pick her up and take her back to yours because your EX abandoned her and take her back to your EXs in the morning....

Nope, just take her back this time....and show her who really cares.

[Sunshine1]

What's the question?  Sounds like he doesn't want to get his big butt off the couch to drive her home in the middle of the night...so you get to.

Was that your question? :)