How do the rest of you NCM deal with CSM????????

[ksmomof2girls]

Are you sure that your kids' Step-mom isn't my girls' step-mom??????


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Sounds like the same situation at my X's house.  She doesn't deny them Dr visits....She rushes them....instead of trying otc med first.


She (SM) says she doesn't believe in "step"...but she doesn't call her Stepdad -"Dad" nor does she call her Dad's  #5-6,??? wife, Mom....


Just don't understand her sometimes.

[Butterfly]

prevalent in very emotionally immature adults who do not know the true meaning of selfless love for another without overstepping universal boundaries.

I'm sure she rationalizes away why she need not observe them...after all, she's earned whatever she takes and it really is about the need for the illusion of control over that which cannot be controlled...you being the actual mother to the child.

My child's SM likes to play that card too...make those that make the distinction between the two types of mothers somehow politically incorrect and emotionally deficient because they point out the obvious facts.

I see my child's stepmother asserting herself as the replacement mother as nothing more than her need to be in denial and/or to attempt to cast me as merely an insignificant relationship because my legal classification is non-residential mother.

Society defines motherhood more along the lines of the 'physical' caregiver and long-distance parenting is an oxymoron if it is a woman that has to do it.

[sharptimes5]

That is so horrible Butterfly!  Your child must be so confused with SM trying to be your replacement.  
As a CSM and a BM I try to see both sides...I treat my SD the way I would want my kids treated if they had a SM.  
When my SD's biomom was still engaging in contact, I considered myself to be simply her caretaker and someone who loved her...sort of like an aunt.  I never asked SD to call me mom or anything similar to it because she does have a mother.  I still haven't asked SD to call me mom, but I don't dissuade her from doing it either...I don't know if that is the wrong thing to be doing.  She does tell people that she has 2 moms, one here with me and hubby and her "mom in Maine."  She knows that she can call me mom or she can call me by my first name as she did for 3 out of the 4 years that I have been a part of her life.
  I encourage her to write to her mom, and help her to spell words that she is unsure of because that is her mother...I will never ever be able to replace her mother...I am a bonus.  When Olivia introduces me as her mom I do feel a swell of pride, but am quick to say that I am not her bio-mom..I always give her mother the credit due her for carrying her for 9 months and giving her love for the first 6 years of her life.  I know that somewhere deep inside her mom does still love her, but doesn't know how to show that love in a physical way.  SD knows that as well.

Carol

[olanna]

My friends wouldn't consider it...

;)

[MixedBag]

Butterfly and I both have women in our lives with replacement attitudes....oh and yes, the ENTITLEMENT attitude since I'm not geographically there to take care of my son either.  Both of us would do it in a haeartbeat, but can't....geography......  They both will deny it, but actions speak louder than words.  

Actually, I know for a fact that fake-wife avoids introducing my son as her step-son because she thinks that people will think negatively about their family because they are in a step-situation.  She thinks it's none of their business so she introduces the kids as all "hers".  Reality is that most families ARE in a step-situation and would just blow it off and move on.  When they learn the truth -- they get angry at being deceived.  Not my problem, I didn't tell a lie.....like fake-wife did.

Fortunately, for my son, he's growing up and forming his own perceptions of what's going on.  He's a few years older than Butterfly's daughter, so I'm hoping that hers too will realize what's really going on.

As a SM myself, I share your philosophy and openly discuss it with my step-kids.  

[sharptimes5]

>Actually, I know for a fact that fake-wife avoids introducing
>my son as her step-son because she thinks that people will
>think negatively about their family because they are in a
>step-situation.  She thinks it's none of their business so she
>introduces the kids as all "hers".  Reality is that most
>families ARE in a step-situation and would just blow it off
>and move on.  When they learn the truth -- they get angry at
>being deceived.  Not my problem, I didn't tell a lie.....like
>fake-wife did.
>
That's wild...there are so many step situations in America and around the world.  I am proud to tell people that I have stepkids, even if I'm not so proud of the actions of their biomom or their dad for that matter when it comes to the problems they had with their marriage.  This really makes me think back to my own teen years because many of my friends parents had divorced and they had stepsibs and step parents while my parents were still together.  My SD is 8 and she finds it totally amazing that my mom and dad are still married after almost 40 years of being together (37 years on the first of Jan).  It does make it harder for me to explain things to her because I have never been in her situation, but I tell her that her daddy and I are planning to be together for a long time, and even if something does happen to our marriage, I will always love her just as I do now.

Carol

[olanna]

I find it interesting that the SM in my case, funded the custody takeover for my ex...and then admitted she doesn't like the kid and after having a child of her own, has suffered some sort of anxiety over being left alone with her own child.

Wonder what she was trying to prove to me...

When I was pregnant with the very child she help snag...they were having an affair.  I have often wondered why they never went after all the kids...why did they wait to do this until my ex lost his job and I was making good money...hum...let's think about that.

[backwardsbike]

eom

[ksmomof2girls]

I was at YD's school one day.  It was close to time for them to get out of school.  Since I hardly get to see any of her work, I went through her backpack.

She had to do "booklet" about herself and her family.  She had put the Stepmom down as her mom.  She didn't put down that she had 2 homes.  Her reason for not putting me down was b/c she didn't know how to spell my name.  Gee..they sure have made sure that she knows how to spell Sm's name.  I guess Heather (sm) is easier to spell than LaDawn(my name).  

She started to get all upset.  I told her its ok.  I know its hard on her.  

But I guess what bothered me the most, is that she didn't list that she lives w/SM.  Just that she lived with her Dad and Mom.


I know its pity things that bother me, but they all add up, and they are a big deal to a lot of us, because we know that someone wants to take our place and doesn't want us to be in it still.

SM has told me that she isn't trying to take my place.....PUHLEASE  What a lie!!!!

[MixedBag]

Did you get a copy of this project?

Aren't the kids in counselling?

I think it's a wonderful example of your concerns......replacement SM.

I remember when OD and MD had to do a speech in class about their family and they were so worried about filling up those 5 minutes...

I said "Hey, if you include everyone, you have so many people to talk about, the 5 minutes will fly by."

They found pictures and DID include everyone and got A's.  And poor MD, had a picture of her dog -- and said "I sleep with my dog" and the class chuckled (of course the teens were thinking of a different "sleep") but she got through it and then laughed at herself.