Need professional opinion or other advice

[StressednGa]

I have been divorced for 2 years. I have been keeping a journal of things that happened. I believe my ex is using my daughter as a pawn and is causing emotional damage to my child.  A few examples are things such as : – My daughter had a Girl Scout event at a local pizza place. She invited me. Her mom got mad and told my daughter that if she invited me again she would be punished.   - I live in a military town and work as a civil service employee. When we divorced, I asked her to take off the sticker on her car that was registered to me. She was using it to get in and off the base. She works on base for a contractor and could get her own sticker that I was not responsible for. She told our daughter that I was threatening to put her in jail.  - She shows up late picking her up from her dance classes or girl scouts. I attend all these fuctions to watch her and ask her what would happen if I wasn't there and she says "someone would have taken her home" My daughter is up late...sometimes until 2AM doing homework because my ex takes her shopping, or to a friends house, or to a softball game and she has no time to do it. She was arrested for DUI, Child Endangerment by DUI and improper lane change from swerving to miss from hitting the arresting officer at 2AM on a Saturday AM with my daughter in the car. I was not called and the police did not turn this over to Family Services. I do not want to take my daughter away from her mother. I just want to ensure she is being properly cared for, and stops using her as a way to try to control me and get what she wants financially. I give her $1700 a month in child support and alimony without complaint and she still complains. She gets other people to babysit her instead of me and tells these people that I am not willing to keep her. I went to watch her at dance practice and some man was shocked to see me. He was told that I refused to pick her up. My daughter says that her mom threatens her with a belt if she doesn't tell her everything she does when she is with me. She also bought my daughter a cell phone and told her she would be beaten with a belt if she told me about it. She did not tell me but my girlfriend found it and asked her about it. My daughter does not know that I know about it. I am fearful that she would tell her mom I know and she would be punished. She also said she wanted to live with me for 50 percent of the time.  Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to help my daughter?  She is 11 years old and in the 6th grade. She is a very bright child. I've asked about counseling but my ex will not take her and although I have joint legal custody, my hands are tied with her having sole physical custody.

[Kitty C.]

I've dealt with some of these instances in the past, like SS getting punished for me saying hi to him on the street (we live in a VERY small town).  Also, PBFH going off on DH when SS wanted us to come watch his Rainguttter Regatta, telling him that if we went, she would not allow SS to take his boat.

Question:  how involved with her schooling are you?  If not very, change that.  If you have joint legal, there is NOTHING the BM can do to stop you from participating in ANY way.  Talk to her teachers and ask them if they've seen any 'off behaviors' or if she's mentioned being threatened with punishment or been beaten in the past.  They are all amndatory reporters and are required by law to report ALL suspected abuse.

As for the cops and the DUI, I'd be contacting Family Services myself.  Cops are also mandatory reporters.  I am in EMS and am one also.  In my state, if it is found that I knew of suspected abuse but did not report it, the penalties are SEVERE, steep fines and jail time both.  I would not be surprised if your state has something similar.  These cops MUST be reported as she put her child in IMMINENT danger and they did nothing about it.

Bottom line:  you need to teach your child whom she can go to to talk to that's an objective 3rd party (teacher, school counselor, minister, etc.).  Her telling you isn't enough, because if only you are reporting it, it will look like a custody dispute.  Objective 3rd party reports are much more readily accepted.

If you have any visitation at all, see if you can arrange for counseling during the time you have her.  I have my son currently with a therapist who works both nights and weekends (we've seen her on a Sat. and his appts. are at 6 pm.), so it can be done, you just have to dig deeper.

As for the sticker, notify the base and tell them it is no longer your car and you are not responsible for it, then give them her name and address.  If she bitches to you, tell her they probably got her info from her plate number.  But if she does something screwy on base, it will fall back on you, and they don't take too kindly to that crap anymore.

[StressednGa]

 Hate to be dumb but what is PBFH and DH and SS

[Kitty C.]

PBFH - Psycho Bitch/Bastard From Hell

DH - Dear Husband

SS - Step-son

At the bottom of the main forums page, there's a link called 'Acroynyms', it will give you a list of some that we use here and then some!  It's also good for a laugh!