Children's Emotions

[JT]

Hi Dr, how are you doing? I have a question about my 7 year old son and his emotional well being. I am currently the temporary custodial parent, since I had a pickup order in April of last year. My STBX had taken him 4000 miles away. She has since returned, and she continues to tell him she is going to take him away again. Is this healthy, I thought that you should not discuss these things with him. He asked me if he could tell her no, I told him yes, it is good to let people know your feelings, do not hide them. She had a fit. I told her she should not discuss these things with him, because it is not settled. She tells him how much money I make, when the next hearing is, etc. I am considering taking him to a child psychologist to make sure he is ok, sometimes he hides his feelings. I think this is because his mother has told him it is not right for him to be living with me. Thanks for your help. JT

[Dr. D]

Dear JT,

What a 7 year - old is told depends on a number of things, such as his/her maturity level, the circumstances, the need to know, the collaboration between parents, the possible outcomes of court, etc.

Certainly no child should have to bear the burden of figuring out all the adult problems.  Nor, should he have to be part of the solution.  However, when one parent puts the child in this situation the child instantly matures.  Thus, your need to say a little more.  Try not to speak poorly of your X, but rather explain the situation - including the role of the judge to help everyone get fair and equal chance to be apart of his life.

Try to let your child know, he is loved so very much and sometimes love panics and does dumb things.  Assure him you will always be there for him.  I would tell a 7 y.o.  "I will do the worrying, you be the child .... if you need to worry I'll let you know>"  End that with a big hug.

Best of luck.
DR. D