Restraining Order?

[gemini3]

I was wondering if it would be possible to get a restraining order prohibiting my ex from telling people that my daughter was molested in my care.  

This was an allegation that she made over two years ago.  It was never reported to CPS, or anyone else.  My daughter was assessed by a Clinical Psychologist who did a forensic assessment of her, and his report states that he finds no evidence of any sexual abuse, and further states that it's his opinion that my daughter is being coached to say that she was abused.

She tells everyone involved with our custody case or the children that my daughter was molested.  From teachers to the kids therapists (both kids), doctors, the GAL, the home study person... everyone.  Now we have been ordered to attend counseling, and she told the counselor that my daughter was molseted while in my care.  I had to go in there armed with the Psychologists report and all the other documentation I have (letters from the PD and CPS stating that they have no record of a report being made) to try and prove that what she's saying is not true.

Is there any way to get her to stop doing this?  It is, in my opinion, slanderous and detrimental to my child to have everyone she is involved with believing that she was molested.

[MixedBag]

you could...

but IMHO....learning to be the bigger person brings along with it bigger and better results.

She's gonna run her mouth -- just like some people I know who ran their mouths and spoke to everyone who would listen.

It all backfired over time...

Maybe yours will too and they will self-destruct

[mistoffolees]

This may vary from state to state, but I had a similar situation. As my attorney explained it to me, it is very difficult to get a judge to order someone not to say something in advance. Basically, this amounts to a gag order and you need a pretty strong reason.

She said I had 3 options:
1. Wait until she said something - and then sue her for slander. Unfortunately, you have to be able to prove that she said it AND that you were harmed.
2. Ignore it.
3. Get something written into the child custody order stating that both parents agree that denigrating the other parent in any way is harmful to the child and will be considered contempt of court (sounds like it may be too late for that in your case).

I guess there's also one more, but I never discussed it with the attorney:
4. If it continues with enough frequency and severity (AND you can prove it), you could make the argument after a while that it's harmful enough to the child to justify a change in custody. I suspect it would have to be pretty severe for this, though.

While I got #3, much of the damage had already been done, so I am currently just ignoring it. For a while, there were a couple of parents who wouldn't let their kids come over to play, but they got over that when they saw that my daughter was with me every other week with no objections or problems.

[lilywhite]

You seem to misunderstand the responsibility of family court.  A judge is not there to decide who is good and who is bad.  The judge is there to decide custody and child support.  And if the parents keep bringing cases back again and again, the judge will appoint someone else to get you off the docket.

Sounds like the judge has already done that (coparenting counseling).  

In order to file a case, you would have to be someone who suffered a financial loss (and the other party would have to have assets to make it worth your while to sue), and the statement would have to be false.  Still, the divorce court is the totally wrong place to bring a case like this.  

[MixedBag]

you know the phrase "Give'em enough rope, and they will hang themselves"...

A friend of mine did that with the EX.

They had court today.

Ex hung themselves in court today -- because CP thought they had tons of rope.

Judge was not too happy.

Friend totally happy tonight with outcome.

Patience...

And actions speak louder than words...

[gemini3]

I think you may have misunderstood my post.  I was not planning on asking a family court judge to decide who is good and who is bad.  I was asking if I could get a restraining order prohibiting my ex-wife from slandering me.  Nowhere in my post did I say I was planning to take this to a family court judge.  

I also have not brought my case back "again and again" as you seem to think.  I don't know what you're basing that on.  

How is it that you have to suffer a financial loss to file a case?  I think you mean that in order to sue someone for slander you have to have suffered a financial loss.  I have no intention of suing anyone, I just want her to stop telling everyone that my daughter was molested when she wasn't.

[mistoffolees]

See my post above for the answers to your questions - at least as it was explained to me by my attorney.

[catherine]

experiencing a similiar situation but with the written form, libel.  We have the First Admendment in the US which protects freedom of speech...however, slander and libel are not a right and are against the law, and the only people who have to prove damages are celebrities (comes with the territory so it's harder for them to sue and win).

You can take a major stance that her words have harmed the co-parenting relationship and check your statutes for actual law against disparaging the other parent.  Then I would sue her for contempt - instead of monetary retribution (which would be hard to get) ask for another form of relief - written apologies for Dr's and other professional people she has told and mandatory co-parenting training so she can learn how horrible it is to lie about the other parent and what that can do to the kids over time.  If her lies are affecting your life, stand up for your rights, she isn't protected under the law but you are.

Slander and libel are MUCH easier to prove when it's just a common joe guy instead of a famous person.


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Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain

[catherine]

Here is a link to an actual case of slander in family court, when the defendant accused the plantiff of child abuse.  It's called slander per se and no true monetary damages need have incurred because it's accusing someone of a crime of moral turpitude.  The plantiffs both got a reward of $250 each.

http://courts.delaware.gov/opinions/(pdxf0p55nzeanurnctsrwz55)/download.aspx?ID=35750


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Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain

[mistoffolees]

I'm only passing on the information my attorney provided to me.

The difference might well be due to differences in state laws. Or perhaps she simplified the matter because it is probably not worth pursuing for a $250 award.