Changing school systems?

[gemini3]

I recently found out that my ex plans to change the kids schools when her lease expires in a couple of months because she "doesn't like" my daughter's current school.  She feels that my daughter is given too much homework, and has an issue with the fact that they are required to wear a uniform.  The school is one of the best in the area, and my daughter is in the gifted program.  Changing her school would mean removing her from the gifted program.

The ex has yet to notify me (the divorce decree requires her to give 30 days advance notice).  I have joint legal and she has primary physical.  Is there anything I can do to prevent this move?

[mistoffolees]

Does your agreement say anything about schooling? If so, you both have to abide by the agreement.

If the agreement doesn't say anything, then she is technically required to discuss it with you, but with primary physical, she's generally going to win any disagreements.

In that case, you're most likely going to have to file for an emergency hearing as soon as she gives you here 30 days notice. If she moves without giving you 30 days notice, file for contempt and ask for an emergency hearing to keep the child in the school.

Is there other evidence available comparing the two schools besides the fact that one has a gifted program (I've seen some very good schools which do not have a gifted program, btw)? For example, the average student test scores for each school are usually available. I would try to gather up as much information as you can - comparing the test scores, crime rates (if available), lack of a gifted program, etc.

I doubt if losing the gifted program by itself would be enough to prevent her from moving. If, however, you can demonstrate that the new school is MUCH worse than the old one, you could make a 'childs's best interest' argument.

How far will she be living from the old school?

[gemini3]

I don't know.  She hasn't actually notified me of this yet - she told some other parents and they told me.  

[mistoffolees]

>I don't know.  She hasn't actually notified me of this yet -
>she told some other parents and they told me.  


You didn't answer the rest of my questions. Does your decree say anything about schooling or moving?


If your decree says nothing, then you have to choose whether to go to court for a pre-emptive fiing that forbids her moving or just wait until she does something and then ask for an emergency hearing. I would definitely consult an attorney because I suspect that some judges wouldn't like you coming to them now and asking them to forbid the ex from moving. They prefer to wait until something happens to take action. Just MHO.

[gemini3]

No, the decree does not address schooling.  The only thing addressed in regards to moving is that both parties must give 30 days notice.  

My attorney suggested that we wait until she does something and then file.  I was asking on here because I think that he likes to take the easy road sometimes, and I wanted to see what other people have done in similar situations.  

My concern with waiting is that she has already moved twice without notification, and so I have no reason to think she will give me 30 days advance notice now.  If I file prior to the move I might be able to stop her from changing my daughters school system.  If I wait until after it's unlikely that the judge will make her move back.  He'll just give her a(nother) slap on the wrist and tell her not to do it again.

[MixedBag]

you state's code might also give you some clues as to what is required.

Like in AL, both parties have to give notice if either one of them moves and then it specifies the number of miles (like more than 100).

Do you live in that school system?

[gemini3]

She has to give me 30 days notice by my states code.  We live in seperate cities, and my wife and I own our home while she and her husband rent an apartment.  

This will be the third time she's moved, and changed the children's schools, in 3 years.  She didn't notify me of the moves until after the fact that last two times.

[mistoffolees]

>She has to give me 30 days notice by my states code.  We live
>in seperate cities, and my wife and I own our home while she
>and her husband rent an apartment.  
>
>This will be the third time she's moved, and changed the
>children's schools, in 3 years.  She didn't notify me of the
>moves until after the fact that last two times.

Seems to me that this might be sufficient to get a court order preventing her from future moves without court approval. I'd ask a local attorney.

[MixedBag]

O.k., being retired career military, kids move all the time.

However, most folks on these boards are against moves.

Yes, I live in an area where there are over 1000 families who move in, live here for a year and then move out.  The active duty member goes to "college" here for a year -- so technically, their kids switch school over a period of 3 years, 3 times.

So moving to the daughter's current school district is really not an option.

I have to ask -- how is the child doing in school?

How is the child doing over all?

And I think that will give you your answer as to what to do.

[gemini3]

I understand that there are circumstances that make it necessary to move and change the child's school.  I grew up an Air Force brat, and changed schools 4 times before high school, so I also know that changing schools can be rough on kids.  In my opinion, you should try to avoid it unless it's necessary.

My daughter is in a program for talented and gifted children, and moving her would mean that she would be taken out of the program.  That is what I want to stop from happening.  She's doing very well in school.  

Overall there are some problems, but we just went to court a month ago, and the GAL didn't feel that the problems were severe enough "at this point" to warrant a custody change.  The judge gave my ex a slap on the wrist, read her the riot act, and told her not to do the things she had been doing anymore.  

I realized in court how difficult it is to get anyone to see what's really going on.  They make it a "he said - she said" situation because no one wants to take the time or make the effort to figure out who's lying and who's telling the truth.  I realized that, if I have any hope of things changing in the future, I will have to go through the courts when there is a problem, so that the judge sees it for himself, and so that there is documentation other than my word.  For me, that means filing a show cause order when she violates the agreement, instead of notating it in my journal (that no one gave a _____ about, or was interested in seeing).  In fact, my GAL and the home study person BOTH said that "I've seen guys come in with binders of information, indexed and tabbed...." (which is what a lot of things I have read TELL you to do) and then state that, in their opinion, a person who would do something like that is a control freak.

It's frustrating, and I'm frustrated, because I feel like my kids are suffering and there's nothing I can do because the court system is in control.  I feel like no one wants to know what's really going on.  In court, the GAL said that he spent more time on our case than he's spent on most... he met with my ex wife and I twice each, for about 1 1/2 hours, in his office.  It's appaling to me to think that someone who is going to make that kind of assessment routinely does so having spent 3 hours or less with the people affected.  What can you really determine in three hours?  

He then went on to say that he was "very concerned" with some of the issues that I had brought to his attention, but that the kids appear to be doing ok based on his interviews with them and their grades in school.  Of course, it was the end of their summer break, so he was looking at their school performance over the previous year... he didn't account for the fact that my youngest child was repeating kindergarten last year, or that my oldest was in therapy for depression and a possible eating disorder.  Not to mention the fact that children who are being alienated from a parent aren't going to open up to someone that they've spoken with twice for a few minutes at a time.... what did he think they were going to tell him, other than everything was "fine"?

Ok... sorry for the rant.  I'm just really frustrated that we went through all the stuff for court - which dragged on for nine months, only to end up right where I started.