Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
admin, Saturday 28 April 2012 - 10:25:00
This is a sample message that we received (content was edited slightly for relevance and readability).
My spouse constantly makes claims of false abuse and threatens to report to the police and other authorities. [She is] able to get away with a lot of things just by doing this. It has been going on for a year now. She attends college and spreads all the nonsense in college too, to her friends and even her teacher's. If I want to divorce, again she threatens the same thing. Recently I think she has applied for immigration benefits threatening spousal abuse and the only thing to achieve immigration status is to accuse me as batterer. If this is accepted it will be a black mark on me and will subject me to further blackmail and threats, ruining my career. I don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP.
Like I said, we see very similar circumstances often here at SPARC. There are several items in this post that, if done by a man, would be instantly recognized as abusive behaviors by any domestic violence advocate. These behaviors include the threats of dire consequences of he doesn't do what she says and the fact that she cuts him down in public. This man is the real victim here, under constant emotional and psychological abuse, if not physical abuse. No matter what he does, she will eventually carry through with her threats. False allegations are the Nuclear Bomb of divorce litigation, one that usually works only for women.
Here is the response I wrote to the above post:
See the Emergency First Aid section of the Articles page.
If it's legal where you live, set up a hidden camera or tape recorder and get her threats on tape (video is much better than audio tape, but either will suffice). Tell her you are fed up with her threats and if she's going to do it, then do it and get it over with. Dare her to call the police and if she does, produce the tape (for the police, not for her). Play the tape for the police, but don't give it to them. Offer to make a copy for them if they want the tape. Make sure it includes her making the phone call so you can prove that it was a totally false allegation. It's even better if she admits on the tape to past threats or says "this time I will" or something similar that would imply past threats. Then immediately file a domestic abuse restraining order, saying that you fear to be in her presence because she has threatened false abuse charges and used other forms of emotional/psychological/physical abuse against you and the children.
You could even prepare the divorce and restraining order paperwork ahead of time (but make sure you keep them at a friend's house or work, not at home, in case she does manage to get you kicked out of the house by her allegations). A good way to get her to talk about the allegations would be to tell her, while the tape is running, that you want a divorce because you can't take any more of her abuse and false allegations.
File your paperwork immediately. Don't give her any opportunities to get there first with her false allegations.
See If You Are Still In The Same House - Essential Preparations.
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